May 6, 2013 6:49 AM

Today' coffee spew moment: Ted Cruz may run for President in 2016

Our beloved Texas freedom fighter is nothing but a dirty syrup guzzler. What a terrible twist, eh? HE’S A FURRINER!!

  • Jon Stewart

I really hope that you had the good sense to swallow your coffee before reading this…and no, you read it correctly: Ted Cruz really is floating a trial balloon. He’s not denying that he’s considering the possibility of running for President in 2016. The fact that Cruz is the most hated wackjob on Capitol Hill is probably enough to torpedo his Presidential prospects. There is one tiny little detail that Cruz seems willing to gloss over:


According to the Constitution that Cruz purports to revere, in order for one to be eligible for the Presidency, one must be a “natural born” citizen. Most scholars interpret that as meaning a candidate must have been born in the U.S. That’s what has fed the birthers abject hatred of Barack Obama and their continued righteous outrage over his being President. They’re convinced that he was born in Kenya and is therefore ineligible for the Presidency…and they’ll spare no expense or conspiracy theory to make themselves heard. Interestingly enough, not a peep has emerged from any of these folks about Cruz’ birthplace. Jon Stewart was the first “newsperson” to broach h subject on a national scale.

Go ahead; tell me that the opposition to Barack Obama isn’t pure, abject racism. I’ll wait….

When you hate The Black Guy in the White House © Just. That. Much…. Well, this is what racism looks like, y’all. Ted Cruz can’t be bothered to see the hypocrisy in it…yet he thinks he’s worthy of the highest office in the land? Never let it be said that Barack Obama is being held to the same standards as White politicians, because that’s most certainly NOT the case.

This just in: Ted Cruz actually has supporters who WANT HIM TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT. Evidently, there’s an entire community of ignorant racists who are immune to hypocrisy and irony.

Who knew??

There is, though, one question that nags at his possible goal of reaching the White House: Does Cruz, who was born in Canada, meet the constitutional muster of being a natural-born citizen? Cruz and a number of legal scholars say yes, but it’s an answer that begs for explanation.

The Constitution has only a few requirements for aspiring executives. Presidents must be at least 35 years old, have lived in the U.S. for 14 years, and be a “natural born Citizen.” Cruz is 42. Check. He’s lived in Texas for more than 14 years. Check. But the definition of what it means to be a natural-born citizen has never been decided in the courts and the Constitution doesn’t explain exactly what it means by “natural born,” according to Peter Spiro, a Temple University law professor and citizenship-law expert.

“These questions get decided in the court of popular opinion,” said Spiro, who added he thinks Cruz counts as a natural-born citizen. “Why deprive ourselves of having the opportunity to choose somebody on the basis of that kind of formality?”

Cruz argues he fits the requirement because his mother was a U.S. citizen at the time of his birth. “I’m a citizen by birth,” Cruz said in an interview with Sean Hannity in March.

Ah, the old “My mother was an American citizen” argument. Hmm…if memory serves, Barack Obama’s mother was an American citizen…and yet Cruz and the rest of the birthers still believe he’s ineligible for the Presidency.

Let’s break this down, shall we? Cruz was born in Canada, but his mother was an American citizen…so he’s good to go. Obama was born in Hawaii AND his mother was also an American citizen. The birther community is convinced beyond reason that he he was born in Kenya…so of course he’s an illegitimate President.

If Cruz is to be considered a “natural born” citizen, then how is it Obama is refused the same consideration? Especially when he has a much stronger argument than Cruz. Ah, if only he was White….

What have we learned here? Well, clearly that there’s a different standard for White men vis a vis African-American men…and that Ted Cruz is deaf to the din of hypocrisy and irony. Of course, the idea of Cruz running for President is prima facie absurd. No one outside his family (and has anyone talked with them?) appears to like him. He’s almost universally hated in Washington, and he won his Senate seat only because Texans would vote for a rotten ham sandwich if it had an “R” behind it.

Ted Cruz has about as much chance of being the 2016 Republican Presidential nominee as I do. If nominated, I will not run, and if elected, I will not serve…would that we could say the same about Sen. Pander McCrazy Ted Cruz.

I want my country back…the one where a White man is President….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on May 6, 2013 6:49 AM.

Attention, gun nuts! Your marching orders are here!! was the previous entry in this blog.

Another reason why every day is Gun Appreciation Day is the next entry in this blog.

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