SALEM — The City of Salem has rejected a request by PETA to erect a statue to remember a truckload of chickens dumped onto the street two weeks ago in a crash. PETA wanted the statue erected at Commercial and Division streets, where the crash happened on July 9, said spokeswoman Danielle Katz. About 5,000 chickens were in the load. Many of them died. City officials told the Salem Statesman-Journal that chicken statue would be a driver distraction at a busy intersection. The decision was made in concert with ODOT.
July 9th was a dark day…if you’re a chicken. ‘Course, if you are a chicken you wouldn’t be reading this. You’d think that would make me stop right and move onto meatier (no pun intended) subjects, no? Well, here in Oregon, we look at animals just a wee bit differently. PETA’s attempt to put up a five foot tall, 250-lb. statue along I-5 to commemorate one of the darkest days in poultry history is pretty typical of how we do things here. It wasn’t all that long ago that people congregated in Wilsonville to memorialize 50,000 bees who died from misuse of a chemical. Of course, losing 50,000 bees is no small thing given the important role they play in our ecosystem. Chickens? Hey, I may be vegan, but even I’ll admit that the only thing dumber than your average chicken is Louie Gohmert. Chicken exist for two things: eggs and Chicken McNuggets, neither of which I eat, though I do understand their appeal to most “normal” people.
My family raised chickens (among other things), and I’m here to tell you that there’s simply no good way to defend something with the IQ of Louie Gohmert a walnut. The sole function of a chicken is to eventually make an appearance on someone’s dinner plate as Chicken Kiev. Chicken occupies a honored place on the food chain…because there’s not much else else a chicken can do. There are few sentient beings less intellectually agile than Louie Gohmert a chicken, which, left to its own devices, can starve to death while within close proximity to easily available food.
Then again, perhaps it’s good that PETA’s statue was nixed by the Oregon Department of Transportation (ODOT) and Salem’s city fathers. If the statue had been allowed, I can’t help but wonder how long it would be before someone in Wilsonville tried to do the same thing for the 50,000 bees killed by chemical exposure?
If you’ve watch the first episode of Portlandia, you’ll understand what I’m referring to.
