August 17, 2013 6:00 AM

You have to know you have WAY too much time on your hands when....

Oreo options abound these days. At the market, you’ll find varieties like regular Oreos, Double Stuf Oreos and now, Mega Stuf Oreos, which were recently added to the brand’s official lineup after a period as a limited edition product. But how much creme is actually in your Oreo? Math teacher Dan Anderson, who runs the blog A Recursive Process, did the math for us. He weighed 10 regular Oreos, 10 Double Stuf Oreos, 10 Mega Stuf Oreos and 5 wafers, then performed some basic calculations to determine the creme content of the aforementioned cookies…. If these measurements are correct, Oreo has some explaining to do. Double Stuf Oreos don’t have exactly double the creme of a regular Oreo. (Considering the hubbub over Subway sandwiches that measured less than the advertised 12 inches, parent company Mondelez might want to up the creme in these babies.)

When I first ran across this story, I wasn’t certain it was something to be taken seriously. Surely, I thought, no one would be silly enough to make an issue out of how much creme is in an Oreo Cookie. I mean, shouldn’t we be curing cancer or solving world hunger? Then I remembered which country I live in, and yes, given the hullaballoo over Subway foot-long sandwiches that actually measured 11.8325975 inches, there evidently ARE a lot of people in this country with way too much time on their hands and way too little of importance to fill that time with.

If the biggest problem in your life is the amount of creme in your Mega Stuf Oreo…well, move over, Cowboy, ‘cuz I want a piece of that action, knowhutimean?? Yeah, I get that sometimes it’s good to have some fun and to tweak a cultural icon…but Oreos? Really? Of course, it’s not as if I have much room to complain; I’m the same person who wrote about a guy in Portland who invented an Oreo creme separating machine. Just think if all that ingenuity had been used for something mankind could actually use to make the world a better place?

If you’re bored out of your skull and you feel like splitting hairs, how about trying this on for size?

And Mega Stuf Oreos have only 2.86 times the creme in a regular Oreo. The prefix “mega” literally means a factor of one million, which, granted, is impossible to translate to an Oreo.

If you live a life in which this is the biggest problem you face…well, make room for one more, willya??

And hand me the Oreos while you’re at it….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 17, 2013 6:00 AM.

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