A London man called the London Fire Brigade to report that his penis was stuck in a toaster. While the firefighters were not given a sufficient explanation as to how his dick ended up in the appliance, they were able to safely extricate the organ. But the Toaster Penis Incident is not the only occurrence of its kind to plague the LFB. Since 2010, more than 1300 calls have come in reporting something “trapped or stuck.”
Sometimes when I tire of politics and divisiveness I like to fall back on what’s always been my Plan B: human stupidity. To say that it’s the gift that keeps on giving (and that there’s never a shortage of it) would be something of an understatement. Every now and again, though, I run across something that leaves me, if not speechless, then certainly gobsmacked. Such was my reaction when I came across the story of a London man who, evidently unable to find a woman in similar need, decided to take his chances with a common household appliance.
It seems London is something of a mecca for those inclined to insert body parts in places not necessarily designed to accommodate them. On the list are things like
• Four incidents where people had their hands stuck in blenders
• Five incidents involving people’s hands being stuck in shredders
• Nine instances of men with rings stuck on their penises
• 17 incidents involving children with their fingers stuck in toys, including one with Lego stuck on his finger.
• 18 incidents involving children with their heads stuck in potties or toilet seats
• 79 incidents involving people being trapped in handcuffs
At least no one’s been caught sticking his head in a microwave oven.
Yet.
And if sexuality in Britain isn’t already unusual enough, there’s a new television show on Channel 4. The premise of Sex Box is simple: a couple goes into a box and has sex as a panel discusses sex. Once the couple finishes, they emerge from the box and join the (undoubtedly truly, indescribably cringeworthy) discussion.
Welcome to the age of oversharing, eh? Now if you’ll excuse, I’m feeling the need to check on my toaster….
