Ever since Governor Goodhair broached the possibility that Texas might secede from the Union (some argue it’s the only state with the right to do so), people have begun to consider what the impact of losing God’s Anointed Paradise the Lone State State might. From where I sit (and having lived in Texas 10+ years before coming to my senses), I’m not at all certain the remaining 49 states would be worse off. Giving the Neanderthal political culture, collective disdain for women, and self-righteous hyper-religiosity, Texas is in many ways an embarrassment to the Republic. Allowing it to break away and become its very own dominionist theocracy might not be such a bad idea. If we could only figure out how to keep Austin….
One less familiar with Texas might ask what America might miss if Texas seceded. Funny you should ask, because coming up with a list isn’t difficult. Here’s one person’s take on 10 things Texas would take with them (and by doing so, make America a better place):
- The country’s worst healthcare provider.
- Some of the nation’s strictest abortion laws.
- Discriminatory religious standards.
- One of the worst states for women.
- Frequent executions, including of mentally ill and challenged citizens.
- The largest U.S. city that doesn’t provide domestic partner benefits.
- Voting laws that discriminate against women, students and the poor.
- Chuck Norris
- Texas belt buckles.
- Ted Cruz
Truth be told, if Texas were to secede, America would instantly become healthier, more tolerant, friendlier to women, and less self-righteous. And that would only be a good thing. Needing a passport to go to Austin would kind of suck, but on balance losing Texas would by no means be a detriment to this country…especially when you consider they’d take the Dallas Cowboys with them (that’s an argument for secession all by itself).
The next time Governor Pander McCrazy or other Texas politicians begin bleating about secession, we should call their bluff. Let ‘em go; they deserve themselves, and America would be a much better place without them.
