We know Al Qaeda has camps on the Mexican border. We have people that are trained to act Hispanic when they are radical Islamists.
- Rep Louie Gohmert (R-TX)
As we near the end of the year, we’re approaching the time when the “BEST OF….” lists begin to appear. One of my favorites is the compilation of the crazy, unmedicated, and just plain stupid things Conservatives have said over the past 12 months. One of my favorites is Rolling Stone’s 50 dumbest things right-wingers said in 2013. It’s the authoritative compendium of annual Konservative Kraziness, a 2013 remake of “Dumb and Dumber,” but with 50 examples, the stoopid can be a bit overwhelming. I invariably find myself trying to rationally understand what each individual quote is supposed to mean. In the end, I end up feeling like a profiler trying to get into the head of a serial killer. When it’s all said and done, it’s hard to shake the sensation of having about 70 points shaved off my IQ.
Rather than try to comprehend all 50, I thought I’d share my (close) second-favorite compilation, from Down With Tyranny. Why should I waste time and brain cells compiling the creme de la creme of Conservative lunacy when someone else has been kind enough to do the heavy lifting for me? That would be dumb, and Lord knows we’re already talking about a surfeit of intellectual and moral deficiency.
Enjoy the rich, creamy goodness:
• 10- “We’re not preaching austerity.”- Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan, whose budget would slash $4.6 trillion in federal spending
• 9- “For every one who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.”- Iowa Rep. Steve King on immigration and why he opposes the DREAM Act
• 8- “We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”- Indiana Rep. Marlin Stutzman on the aims of the GOP’s government shutdown
• 7- “We’ve done our work.”- House Speaker John Boehner defending the track record of the least productive Congress in modern history
• 6- “I don’t think there’s any Bush baggage at all.”- 2016 contender Jeb Bush on the political consequences of the family name
• 5- “Society itself is at risk and cannot continue.”- Michigan Rep. Tim Walberg on the apocalyptic consequences of the Supreme Court’s gay marriage decisions
• 4- “I think, personally, it would bring stability to the world markets.”- Florida Rep. Ted Yoho on the hidden upside of forcing America into default
• 3- “My father had a ranch. We used to hire 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes.”- Alaska Rep. Don Young, doing his turn to aid the GOP’s Hispanic outreach
• 2- “The middle class. Since when in America do we have classes? That’s Marxism talk.”- Former presidential contender Rick Santorum
And the dumbest comment by any Republican in 2013, the likely GOP nominee to run against Harry Reid next time…
• 1- “Yeah, I would.” - Nevada assemblyman Jim Wheeler, when asked if he would vote to reinstate slavery if his constituents wanted it
It’s good thing a functional intellect and a grip on reality aren’t prerequisites for being good White, God-fearing, Christian Conservatives. I can hardly wait to see what craziness 2014 has in store for us. This list could be a bit premature, seeing as how there are still three weeks left in 2013. There’s still plenty of time for most Konservative Krazy….
Then again, this stuff would be much funnier if these clowns weren’t deadly serious.
