We here at Right Wing Watch aren’t always fighting the War on Christmas. In fact, we’ve positively gotten into the Christmas spirit as holiday gift suggestions from all of our favorite right-wing groups come flooding into our inboxes. So we’ve decided to put together a gift guide for those of you who are still looking for the perfect gift for your favorite conservative loved one.
From preppers to amateur presidential impeachers to scientifically incurious children, we have something for everyone. Happy holidays!
7. Religious Right Reads
Intellectual honesty has never been a great concern of many Religious Right authors, which is why we recommend you get a signed copy of David Barton’s “The Jefferson Lies,” a book so error-ridden that it was pulled off bookstore shelves by its publisher, and “A Call to Resurgence” by conservative megachruch pastor Mark Driscoll, who has recently been accused of plagiarizing part of the book, as well as some of his other work.
6. Prepper Blowout Sales
For the prepper in your family, WorldNetDaily and similar shops offer such stocking stuffers as 20 pack dust masks, a home-made paracord survival bracelet and — for beginners — an emergency survival kit in a sardine can. In fact, while we’re at it, you should replace whatever Christmas stocking you currently have with an “LA Police Gear Molle Elite Tactical Christmas Stocking,” which we are told “works well with 40mm projectile rounds.”
Depending on your budget, you can prepare for the apocalypse by splurging for a $150 bucket of black bean burgers or just buy a packet of freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches to celebrate the end of the world.
Planning to propose on Christmas? Make sure to get titanium escape rings that will help you and your future spouse break out of any FEMA camp.
5. Say Merry Christmas Or Else!
Make sure to get that special someone a “Say Merry Christmas” button or bracelet, because there is nothing obnoxious about a person walking around a Christmas party wearing a button that simply reads, “Say Merry Christmas.” According to the far-right WorldNetDaily, the statement “Happy Holidays” is a sign that “we have reached an all-time low point in our nation’s history.” Can’t think of any lower points in American history? Neither can I!
You can even get this bumper sticker for your rebellious loved one: “This is America! And I’m going to say it: Merry Christmas!” Liberty Counsel also offers a “save Christmas” gift bag to make sure people know that you love Christmas.
Alternatively, make a donation to the National Republican Campaign Committee for your hilarious “‘Happy Holidays’ is what liberals say” mug. Because the NRCC would never use the phrase “Happy Holidays”!
4. Let Your Kid Ride A Dinosaur Like The Early Humans Did A Few Thousand Years Ago
Give your child the gift of education this year by taking them to the Creation Museum, which it will be hosting “New Christmas Town.”
“New this year will be the opportunity to ride a zip line over the museum’s scenic, three-acre lake” (just like the Three Wise Men), or you can put your kid on a dinosaur with a saddle, just like in the old days.
3. Sarah Palin Gold Coins
Not only has Sarah Palin become a top lieutenant in fighting the War on Christmas, but now the reality TV star/former governor is the face of a coin collection from Alaska Mint. You can find Sarah Palin medallions in bronze, silver and gold. But at least the medallions will help a worthy cause: Alaska Mint says that “a donation from the sale of these medallions will be made to Wounded Warrior Project.”
If that isn’t enough, there’s always the Sarah Palin Bobblehead doll.
2. Hip Cool Homophobic Bumper Sticker
The anti-gay activists over at MassResistance are tired of seeing the Human Rights Campaign’s equality bumper sticker everywhere, but now they have a solution. “[L]ike the ‘equal’ sticker, the ‘not equal’ sticker is suitable for all kinds of creative uses,” the group writes on its website.
“If they can do it, we certainly can! Good people need to be willing to tell it like it is.” The group also encourages activists to place the stickers in public schools just so young LGBT and allied students know they aren’t in a safe space.
Plus, the anti-equality symbol will look great next to your “Merry Christmas!” bumper sticker.
1. Impeach Obama Playing Cards
As we know, Christmas is a time of year for families to gather around the dinner table to discuss ways to impeach President Obama. And WorldNetDaily is now offering us a fun way to do that, with a new card game that lets players “create the best cases for impeachment by collecting and displaying valuable evidence (Case) cards,” such as “Benghazi,” “ACA,” “IRS” and “Complicit Media.”
“People are drifting apart, and games are a great way for family and friends to get back together,” an ad for the game says, because playing a card game about impeachment certainly won’t lead to any family arguments or spats. “Don’t just use it as a status symbol, play it and have some fun.”