Ore. man on meth fights off 12 cops while masturbating in bar
It almost goes without saying that there’s been a surplus of worthy contenders this year. It’s a shame that there can be only one 2013 Headline of the Year, but I can say without reservation that the very last nomination of 2013 is several orders of magnitude beyond any of the many other worthy nominees. Even better, it happened just about 40 miles south of WWJD Intergalactic Headquarters, in Salem, the capital of our glorious Beaver State.
That it took me several minutes to stop giggling like a seventh-grader dealing in fart jokes should be proof enough of the quality of this year’s wiener…er, winner. You just can’t make this stuff up, kids! Nosirree….
BEAVERTON, Ore. — A Beaverton man was arrested following a string of erratic outbursts that culminated in the suspect allegedly masturbating in a Salem roadhouse, officials said.
It took a Taser and more than a dozen officers on Sunday to finally subdue Andrew Frey inside Iggy’s Bar & Grill on Portland Road Northeast, the Marion County Sheriff’s office said.
The 37-year-old man later told authorities he had used methamphetamine the day before and had no recollection of the alleged wild behavior, according to officials.
A bartender told authorities that Frey exposed his genitals and started masturbating at the bar, officials said. By the time a Marion County deputy arrived on scene, Frey had moved from the bar to the bathroom, but reportedly had not stopped pleasuring himself.
Awesome…now I get to spend the rest of today trying to purge that mental image from my cerebral cortex. Ugh….
Congratulations to Andrew Frey for his contribution to and starring role in this year’s well-deserved top nominee. It’s tough to beat the combination of meth and masturbation, no?
Man, I can hardly wait to see what 2014 holds in store for us….
