It’s a question that’s been asked since time immemorial: Could a woman create an online dating profile “so loathsome that no man would message it”? Cracked’s crack investigative reporter Alli Reed decided to solve the “omnipervet paradox” once and for all by going on OKCupid and posting what she firmly believed was the “worst online dating profile ever”. Her thesis: There did indeed exist a woman “so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikeable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her.”…. As it turns out, there wasn’t.
This won’t come as a shock to any woman who’s dated a man, but it turns out that most men aren’t all that particular about who they’d choose to do the horizontal mambo with. It’s not just a closing time thing, or beer googles, or whatever you might call it, but let’s call it what it is: Most men will schtupp just about even vaguely female.
Something about “thinking with the wrong head,” I suppose.
Guys, if you’re honest, you’ll own up to this. Lord knows I’ve been there a time or two. You just have certain…um, needs…and so any “standards” you may have gone into the evening with goes right out the window. Maybe you wake up the next morning with someone next to you that you have NO recollection of, or you go home with someone you don’t even like or aren’t that interested in. Still, as a very wise friend once put it, “If they have two legs, two breasts, and a vagina, they’re fair game.”
Yeah, we’re just that particular.
Not that women are immune to this phenomenon, of course. When I was still single, I had a profile on Plenty of Fish for several months. Anyone who’s been on POF understands that, because it’s free, it’s nothing if not a crap shoot. Some of the women who responded to my ad came across as if they’d just been released from prison and were looking for anything with two legs and a penis. Still, men are renowned for their lack of selectiveness, particularly if they’re in the midst of a dry spell. Funny how one’s judgment recedes into the background when it’s been awhile.
C’mon guys…you know what I’m talking about. When your decision-making center moves south, there’s no telling what (or who) you might do. Hey, if 150 guys can respond to this ad in 24 hours, you can’t deny that as a gender we’re not exactly discerning.
As if to prove this, Ms. Reed tried to make herself so abhorrent, so unappealing, that men wouldn’t want to respond. No such luck.
I’d say something about our standards being just that low…but that would presume that we actually have standards.
