February 28, 2014 6:58 AM

After 12+ years, we roll out the first (and probably last) WWJD Privacy Statement. You're welcome.

It dawned on me the other day that never in the history of this blog, going back to when it was still The People’s Republic of Seabrook, has there been a privacy policy. I realized it must be an important thing when I noticed that seemingly every website I visited had one. Always being one with my ear to the ground- metaphorically speaking- I thought this might be as good a time as any to drag my dark, dank corner of da Interwebs into the 21st century. I may no longer posted nude photos of Ann Coulter (ah, those were the days….), but you never know when someone’s going to claim their privacy’s been trod upon.

Without further ado, here’s the brand spanking new WWJD Privacy Policy. You can thank me later.


Privacy Policy

Protecting your private information is our priority, though not a particularly pressing one. This Statement of Privacy applies to What Would Jack Do? and governs data collection and usage. What Would Jack Do? is a personal blog (and a lame one at that) and website. By using this website, you consent to the data practices described in this statement. As soon as we figure out what those practices are, we’ll let you know. Don’t hold your breath. ;-)

Collection of your Personal Information

We do not collect personally identifiable information from our users, though if you left your webcam on, we can TOTALLY see you in your underwear. (Good Lord…put a robe on, willya?) Even if we did collect personally identifiable information from our users, we’d use it only for our own amusement. Honestly. Pinkie swear. We may gather personal or non-personal information in the future, but there are no current plans. Frankly, personal information is kinda boring, don’tchathink?? In the meantime, TURN YOUR DAMNED WEBCAM OFF!!

Information about your computer hardware and software may be automatically collected by the Dark Lords who administer What Would Jack Do?. This information may include, but isn’t limited to: your IP address, browser type, domain names, access times, referring website addresses, eye color, favorite ice cream flavor, prior arrests for lewd conduct, blood type, and preferred coital position. This information is used for the operation of the service, our amusement, to maintain (the generally quite poor) quality of the service, and to provide generally meaningless statistics regarding use of this website. Every now and again, we have to remind ourselves that people actually read this stuff. Go figure. (Cue my Mom: “It’s a beautiful day!! Go outside and play!!)

Please keep in mind that if you directly disclose personally identifiable information or personally sensitive data through the comment section, this information may be collected and will be used by others…to ridicule you mercilessly. For instance, your personally identifiable information or personally sensitive data could be used to anonymously subscribe you to random porn sites. (Pro tip: check your browser history once in a while. Just sayin’….)

We encourage you to review the privacy statements of websites you choose to link to What Would Jack Do? so that you understand how those websites sell your information (and any potentially compromising pictures of you downloaded from your webcam) to Russian spammers and my Nigerian cousins. What Would Jack Do? is not responsible for the privacy statements or other content on websites outside of this website. We can barely keep track of the dreck on What Would Jack Do?, so how could we possibly be expected to keep track of someone else’s website?

Consider yourself warned.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 28, 2014 6:58 AM.

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