Police Seek Couple Who Had Public Dumpster Sex on St. Patrick’s Day
A couple decided to screw like no one was watching on St. Patrick’s Day. Unfortunately, everyone was watching, because they were in a parking lot behind a Dunkin’ Donuts during broad daylight. Newark, Del. police are seeking the unnamed man and woman caught having sex against a dumpster at the Galleria, a popular shopping center on a major street near the University of Delaware campus.
From the “OHMIGAWD…WHAT ABOUT OUR POOR, PRECIOUS, IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN???” Department comes this story of illicit public sex. Against a dumpster. Behind a Dunkin’Donuts location.
Stay classy, eh?
Were you as shocked as I was that a couple was engaging in outrageous, lascivious, and lewd behavior…on St. Patrick’s Day?? Who could have seen that coming?? I suppose this is what happens when you provide large amounts of cheap green beer to two young and horny college students, and…well, you can see the pictures and/or watch the video just as easily as I can, right?
The Newark Police have their panties in a wad, well…because someone was committing a crime, don’tchaknow? Yes, having sex behind a dumpster while plastered is evidently a crime against morality, and THIS. SHALL. NOT. STAND. Youdamnbetcha, because the good and decent people of Newark have standards. Of course, among the problems here is that they’re living in Newark, DE, which leads me to wonder about whatever standards they lay claim to.
I’m not about to advocate that public sex is a good thing- I mean, can you imagine how much it might hurt if you got a sunburn down…there? Still, St. Patrick’s Day has evolved into our annual day of excess- the best excuse for a “free pass” we get all year. To express surprise- or outrage- that two people were attempting to do the horizon…er, vertical mambo seems rather disingenuous. Or just plain silly.
Public sex? There’s a time and a place for that, y’all. It’s called “YouTube.”
The police are still hoping to identify the two miscreants, who were reported to be wearing green. On St. Patrick’s Day. Go figure.
