Two Men Arrested For Filming Each Other Covered In Jell-O Having Sex With A Cow
Two men have been arrested in Farmington, Conn, and charged with sexual misconduct after being caught in the act allegedly filming each other, covered in Jell-O, having sex with a cow…. According to WTHN-TV News 8, Michael Jones, 33, and Reid Fontaine, 31, were captured on film in flagrant delicti after a farmer set up hidden cameras in a bid to discover why his cows had suddenly stopped producing milk. And, he got the shock of his life after learning of what was going down on the farm…. Adding even further to the disturbing story, the two men were caught in the act by TV reporters after the farmer tipped them off and they arrived mid bovine-bonk, cameras rolling…. “Now when we arrived, one of the men was actively having sex with the cow. His friend who was videotaping the act took off as soon as he seen us arrive,” a newscaster says.
Today on “Sex, Jell-O, and Videotape”….
Some of y’all probably think I make this stuff up, but c’mon, man…two men covered in Jell-O having sex with a cow while one of them films the other in flagrant delicto? Not even in my wildest dreams would I be able to come up with something so…original. In fact, we may well have stumbled across the 2014 Headline of the Year…in February. Whodathunkit?? The more I think about it, the less I understand. I’m still trying to get a grip on the significance of the Jell-O. Perhaps it would be best for all concerned if I just let that go, eh?
I especially loved the horrified townspeople, who had to be strangely intrigued by the story but too chained to their Puritan sense of propriety to voice anything but befuddled outrage. I mean, men covered in Jell-O having sexual intercourse with a cow? AND filming it for posterity? It’s so strange, so…out there that it would be difficult, if not impossible, for anyone not so inclined to wrap their head around. And I can’t begin to figure this one out…which is probably just as well.
This story has it all: dessert, bizarre sex, TV and video cameras, and a community not quite sure to do with it all. The cherry on top was one of the best sentences ever composed in the long, checked history of television journalism:
“Now we can’t show you that video because the man was naked and covered in Jell-O, however we can show you the video of the aftermath.”
I’ve got 10 months- 306 days- to try to top this headline, but it’s hard to be optimistic about my chances. How could anyone possibly top two men slathered in Jell-O having sex with a cow? AND filming the act?
Oh…as if the story couldn’t get any worse…it gets worse. After the TV cameras arrived on scene, the poor cow- understandably spooked- bolted into traffic, where it was hit by cars and killed.
How ‘bout a moment of silence for Bessie?
Coming soon to an Internet with you….
