PORTLAND — Thousands of nude bicyclists will flood Portland’s streets June 7 during the World Naked Bike Ride. But what if you want to protect your eyes from the onslaught of skin that doesn’t usually see the light of day?…. Police said anyone who doesn’t want to come in contact with naked bike riders should stay indoors during the ride, pull the shades down and put the kids to bed. They also suggested watching a movie or turning up some music to avoid hearing the revelry…. [N]eighbors said they plan on collecting signatures for a petition to make changes to next year’s ride…. “I’m not accustomed to seeing naked people,” said Portland resident Kathy Goertz.
Tomorrow is Portland’s annual Naked Bike Ride (part of the World Naked Bike Ride)…and before you undateable single guys begin fantasizing that the ride will make for a target-rich environment, you might want to rethink that. I can’t imagine there’s anything sexual or even vaguely erotic about seeing that much pasty white naked skin in one place.
This year it’s starting in Normandale Park, about a mile from my house. While the temptation to join the festivities is (not so very) great, I’m going to respectfully decline to subject the world to the sight of my naked self on my mountain bike. Some things, once seen, cannot be unseen, knowhutimean??
To those good folks here in Portland offended by the thought of (OMG!! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??) naked people riding through the streets of the Rose City, I’d only offer one thing: get over yourself. There’s nothing nasty or dirty about the human body. While not all of us look like Cristiano Ronaldo in the buff, the mere fact of being naked, while perhaps not always tasteful, certainly isn’t sinful. If you can say with a straight face and no hint of irony that you’re “not accustomed to seeing naked people”…well, I truly feel sorry for you. Sometimes seeing naked people (in the right context) can lead to all sorts of fun, so if you’re not accustomed, I’d suggest finding someone to get naked with and letting nature take over.
You can thank me later.
As for the Naked Bike Ride, if you’re that offended by the idea of naked people riding around Portland, perhaps you should grab a romance novel, crawl into bad…and stay there for awhile. ‘Cuz Lord only knows when you might run into a naked person on a bike and have your tender sensibilities scrambled. Or be scarred for life.
Then again, the riders won’t be completely sans culottes. They’ll be wearing helmets and shoes, which should make everyone feel better…amiright??
