August 16, 2014 7:57 AM

Rick Perry's indictment: Breaking the speed limit on the Schadenfreude Expressway

A grand jury in Texas indicted Gov. Rick Perry on Friday alleging abuse of power in office. The Republican’s conservative allies fired right back with their own accusation: This is a witch hunt. Perry, a potential 2016 presidential candidate, is accused of trying to coerce a Democratic official who oversees an agency that investigates public corruption to resign after she was arrested on a drunken driving charge. He threatened to veto millions from her public integrity unit if she didn’t, leading to criticism he had overstepped his authority. One charge Perry was indicted on, abuse of official capacity, is a first-degree felony that could carry from five to 99 years in prison; a second charge, coercion of a public servant, is a third-degree felony that carries a punishment of two to 10 years[.]

Yesterday we got the answer to the question, “What are the four sweetest words in the English language?”:

Rick Perry’s been indicted.

Those of you who’ve been following me for lo, these many years will understand my temptation to bathe in the moment’s Schadenfreude. The recognition that Governor Goodhair is as venal as he is corrupt isn’t exactly breaking news. That he would abuse his position to pressure a Democratic politician seems disturbing but hardly out of character. Texas Republicans treat the Lone Star State as their private uber-Jesus-y playground; to them Gov. Perry was simply standing up for public accountability…and besides, poor personal behavior only disqualifies a person from public service if they’re a Democrat. To say that a double standard exists in Texas politics would be to state the blindingly obvious: God’s a Republican, and Democrats are the instruments of Satan and his pro-gay, pro-abortion, pro-illegal immigration, pro-equality agenda. (I know this to be true because my pastor tells me so every Sunday morning.)

Hey, if God didn’t intend for good, God-fearing, White Christian Patriots to be in charge, then why did He make so many?

I’ll admit to being unable to suppress a wry smile when I heard the news of Perry’s indictment. It’s about time that Gov. Goodhair, who’s all about public integrity and accountability, be held to the standard he holds so high. (Wait for me to be pilloried by Conservatives in 4…3…2….)

That said, the problem here is that there’s no way to separate the political from the judicial in this case. Perry was indicted in Austin, a decidedly blue island of sanity in an overwhelmingly, hypocritically hyper-Christian red state. Outside of Austin, I’d wager the overwhelming opinion is that the Governor’s the victim of a witch hunt- against Republicans and against Christians. Red Texas undoubtedly sees Perry’s legal predicament as evidence of the godless forces of Evil persecuting public servants who love and serve God. I can almost hear the righteous outrage from here, and while I find this attitude ridiculous, self-serving, and proof that most Texans have been thoroughly propagandized, I can’t just ignore the political component.

DID Gov. Pander McCrazy break the law? Quite possibly, but as long as red Texas can paint his indictment as proof positive of a plot to persecute the Governor, the question of whether justice can be done will remain unanswered.

The indictment is a blow to Perry just as he’s trying to rehabilitate his image after a disastrous 2012 presidential run. But he also is the third major potential White House candidate on the Republican side — the others being Govs. Chris Christie of New Jersey and Scott Walker of Wisconsin — to face legal problems at a time when no clear GOP standard-bearer has appeared in the run-up to 2016.

How much support Perry — who is considered a long shot for the White House — gets from fellow Republicans in the long run may depend on whether he’s convicted, and it’s unclear when a trial would be held. And privately, several Republican strategists predicted a rough road for a presidential candidate under indictment.

Perry, perhaps one of the most calculating, self-interested pols the GOP has to offer, will undoubtedly work the political aspects of his indictment furiously. He and his spokespeople will spin the story in a way that paints the Governor as a right saint, and his “persecutors” as minions of Satan out to destroy a committed, righteous, and godly public servant. This being Texas, he’ll carry public opinion by a wide margin, and most Texans will be propagandized into viewing Perry as a martyr whose persecution at the hands of Democrats is as partisan as it is evil and un-Christian.

In the end, even if the Governor’s convicted…and I have a hard time believing the prosecuting attorney would have forwarded an indictment without a rock solid case…the probability it would stand is minimal. All he’d need to do is follow Tom DeLay’s strategy: find a ideologically friendly judge who’ll vacate the conviction. Life will go on…and while his political career will be dead, he can still do what good, God-fearing Conservative politicians do when they’re no longer in office: put up a website, solicit donations, and toss the occasional rhetorical bomb (see Palin, SarahMartyr for the Cause will be both thorough and complete.

All of this leaves the question of whether justice can ever really be done in Texas unanswered. The likelihood that Gov. Goodhair will ever see the inside of a Texas prison is about the same as my becoming Queen of England. Millions of tax dollars will be expended by the State of Texas to defend AND prosecute the Governor…but in the end Perry will emerge an exalted, if somewhat tarnished, Hero of the Right.

And Texas will continue to be the personal playground of hyper-Christian Conservative Republicans. Same as it ever was.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Technorati

Technorati search

» Blogs that link here

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 16, 2014 7:57 AM.

"America's Team": Because evidently Americans really love mediocrity was the previous entry in this blog.

Those requesting James Taylor songs will be summarily executed is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Contact Me

Powered by Movable Type 6.0.2