Continuing the kind of innovative work that few fast-food chains have the gall to attempt these days, KFC Korea has abandoned all rational ideas about nutrition and dared to dream with this thing, the Zinger Double Down King. It’s got chicken, beef, and pork that have been fried, grilled, and griddled, respectively. What’s more is that it’s still bunless, of course, like its forebear, and there’s some kind of special sauce involved. It’s on sale now, allegedly only has 750 calories, and from the looks of some of the photos that have been circulating online, we can safely say it’s in the running for the most unwieldy and completely monstrous fast-food item of all time.
When I lived in Houston, my job as an auto insurance claims adjustor took me out of my office for a good part of my day. When I had time between appointments, I’d occasionally pull into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant so I could catch up on some work on my laptop. Every now and again I’d stop and just watch as people entered and left the restaurant, which never ceased to be an exercise in understanding why Americans are so fat.
It was easy to tell who the regulars were; they were the ones fairly waddling into and out of the restaurant. When people ask me why I won’t eat at fast food restaurants, this is the story I use to illustrate my argument. Not that I’m any better than those who love fast food, of course, nor do I always make better, healthier choices when it comes to what I eat. Fast food has always represented for me the worst sort of edible, corporate, mass-produced, faux food that I see as gradually killing Americans in the name of ever-greater profits. An argument could be made that I’m simply being unhealthy in a different manner, but what I do makes sense to me, so I stick with it. Besides, there are far better ways for me to spend money than on cheap, mass-produced McFood. Life is too short to eat bad food, no?
For good or ill, I’m here to tell you that this trend is no longer limited to America (and probably never was). From the evil geniuses at KFC Korea comes the latest assault on our waistlines and arteries- the Zinger Double Down King. That’s certainly shorter than “The Sandwich That Will Put Your Cardiologist’s Kids Through College,” or “An Endocrinologist’s Wet Dream.” It’s probably what will lead to the coming proliferation of clothing stores serving big and tall men.
Then only question is when this gastronomic suicide pact will reach our shores.
If you look at the sandwich closely, you’ll notice there are three different types of meat…and nary a vegetable or a piece of lettuce to be found. The Zinger Double Down King allegedly has only 750 calories, which seems a bit light given what goes into it.
In the never-ending pursuit for foods designed to hasten our untimely demise, the Zinger Double Down King seems destined to climb to the top of the list. For those who want to die like a man…well, your dreams have come true, eh? All you need is a passport and a plane ticket to Seoul.
And if a Zinger Double Down King doesn’t seems as if it would be a suitably efficient and speedy way to commit gastronomic suicide, why not order it with cheese? I suspect you might also be able to get it with extra bacon and mayonnaise if you’re so inclined.
Game, set, AND match….
Before ordering one, I’d probably want to be certain the restaurant had a crash cart on standby. Because “Good Bye!” is probably what your coronary artery will be telling you once the Zinger Double Down King hits your digestive system.
Don’t say you weren’t warned, eh?
