October 13, 2014 6:45 AM

Love is love. It's not important who or how we love, only that we do love.

A little bit over a year ago, I wrote a speech for a friend who had to give a toast at a wedding in Washington State. That it was a same-sex wedding was important only insofar as the social context it was to take place in. When I was in Minnesota recently, I mentioned it to a friend, who then asked to see it. Once I located it, I read through it and realized once again that it was quite probably one of the best things I’ve ever written.

With that in mind, I decided to share it again- not to brag on my writing skills, though I am very aware of and grateful for my gift. More than anything, I think it’s about how love, in whatever form it may take, is a beautiful and exceedingly precious thing. In the Sturm and Drang over same-sex marriage, sometimes the fact that it’s about love gets lost in the crossfire. Who am I, or you, or anyone, to determine the appropriate, acceptable, and morally correct form love must take? Who among us has the right to force upon others the belief that loves is a one-size-fits-all commodity? It’s not for any of us to determine what’s right when it comes to love, except in the context of our own lives. It IS and should be for us to celebrate love, in whatever form it may manifest itself.

I’ve changed the names to protect the “innocent,” but other than that this is what was read at the wedding. My friend told me that people were in tears when she finished. The idea that something I wrote could have such a profound impact on those who hear the words is something that brought me to tears, and it makes me very aware of just how fortunate I am to be able to reach people in the way I do.

After the jump is the text of the speech I wrote. I hope that you’ll enjoy it for the celebration of love that it is. Given that 35 states now allow (or have been forced to allow) same-sex marriage, it seems a good reminder of that it’s all about.

I’ve been asked to say a few words about my friend Simone Flanders. Those of you outside of the roller derby community know her as Simone. Those of us whose passion involves skating in circles and knocking people on their butts know her as Smack Ya Sideways. If you’ve ever been hit by Smack, you’ve probably picked yourself up and wondered if anyone got the number of that truck. Then you began asking if anyone has some ibuprofen.

Smack started rollerskating when she was two, and I suspect it wasn’t long before she was running into and over her peers. What’s the point of skating if you can’t hit people? With that history, it makes sense Smack loves roller derby; it’s been her outlet, her passion, and her community…and it loves her back. She may knock people down, but if you know anything about roller derby, you understand it’s not for those who bruise easily. You skate in circles, knock people down, and then have a few beers. If derby didn’t exist, Smack would’ve invented it, which would have made her an even bigger superstar than she already is.

I was drawn to Smack because I love roller derby and she’s everything I wanted to be as a derby player- big, tough, strong, and able to skate around, over, and through anyone unfortunate enough to get in her way. I was relentless in working to get her attention, because I wanted to learn from the best. We’ve spent a lot of time together practicing, talking, and hanging out. I’ve come to appreciate her friendship, her passion, and her willingness to share her gift. She’s a talented skater and coach, as well as a caring and committed friend. It’s no exaggeration to call her a superstar- because she’s the sort of person you can count on in competition and in life.

If you were trying to describe Smack to someone who doesn’t know her, you wouldn’t begin with “shy” or “retiring.” On the track she was impossible to miss- a showboater with an outsized personality and the willingness to bust anyone who strayed into her airspace. As a coach, no one would confuse her for the strong, silent type. Whether it was a groups of wreckers- novice derby girls- or girls in the draft program called Fresh Meat, she always begins by asking, “Does anyone here NOT know who I am?” No matter how much I hear that, it always makes me laugh, because of course everyone knows who she is. She’s a superstar.

I came to know Smack as a close friend, but I never knew her to be in a serious relationship until she met Crystal. Smack found in Crystal someone who loves her completely, unconditionally, and without reservation. That, by any loving and compassionate definition, is a truly wondrous thing to behold.

We’re gathered here today to recognize and celebrate the love and commitment that Simone and Crystal share. Unfortunately, Simone’s family has chosen not to share in this celebration. That’s sad and disappointing, but the good news is that her friends, in-laws, and I have become her family. “Family” comes in many forms, and sometimes the closest families aren’t biological. Sometimes the closest families are the ones forged in adversity and challenge and share bonds that transcend blood and a family tree.

A very wise man once said that it’s not important who, how, or why you love; it’s only important that you love. If there’s one thing we can never have too much of, especially in a world where so many live in fear of what they either can’t or refuse to understand, it’s love. And the beautiful thing about love is that there’s no one definition that can be used to explain it. It can be something different to anyone and everyone with an open mind and an open heart.

Those gathered here today understand that love isn’t something that can be fit into a one-size-fits-all box. It’s not about gay, lesbian, straight, or any other label. It’s about finding that person who fills a hole in your life as your fill one in theirs. It’s about finding someone that you want to spend the rest of you life with. It’s about doing the things that most people take as their due- building a life, buying a house, maybe even starting a family. More than anything, it’s about finding someone with whom you can be who you truly are- without fear, reservation, or hesitation.

We’re here today because we understand that love doesn’t have boundaries or rules. Its not about laws, or morals, or religious doctrine. It’s not about judging. It’s not about praying the gay away or living up to the rules and expectations of others. It’s about blazing our own trail and creating a life that has meaning and value in a way that’s unique to each and every one of us. We understand that love, when your heart is open to it, can help create amazing things in our lives. We love, and we’re better, more complete, and happier people for it. That’s what love is about, and that’s what makes this day so special.

My hope and my prayer for Simone and Crystal is that the good days will outnumber the bad and that their lives will be richer because of the love they have for each other.

May your time together be long, rich, and fulfilling, and may your days be filled with happiness and joy. You deserve nothing less.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on October 13, 2014 6:45 AM.

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