October 26, 2014 8:55 AM

Repeat after me: Women are not property- ESPECIALLY if they're your daughters

Meet Annalise. She is my only little princess. She is a gift from God (Ps 127:3) and I do my best to savor every waking second with her. Even as I type this post, she is sitting on my lap. She’s five years old and, like every loving father, I’ll be forced to give her away one day. Until then, my wife and I have the immense opportunity to train her and prepare her to be a woman of God. More specifically, we have the mandate to prepare her to be a wife and mother.

I respect a person’s right to their religious beliefs; that’s their due in a free society. I may not share those beliefs, I may find those beliefs backward and objectionable, but doesn’t mean I have the right to proscribe that way of thinking in someone else. What saddens me more than I have the words to fully express is when a parent uses their religious beliefs to dictate how their children will live their lives. As parents, they have the right to educate their children and teach them values they believe to be important. What I can’t fathom is why and how a parent could believe that they have the responsibility- nay, the right- to prescribe the details of how their children lead their lives- particularly when it comes to a daughter. Evidently, a daughter doesn’t have the right to think for herself and make her own decisions. That’s what the men in her life are for.

It’s sad that even here in the 21st century, there are Americans who believe fervently that a girl has but one calling in life: to become a wife and mother. Not that those aren’t noble, worthy callings…but a woman deserves to have a choice- just as a man would- to determine if that’s what she wants from life. If it is, then SHE should determine what that looks like. If not, then SHE should work out for herself the path she wishes to travel. A woman is not ipso facto a baby factory, nor is she a commodity to be “given” to a man; becoming a wife and mother is something a woman should be able to choose after evaluating the full range of options available to her.

At the very least, a daughter shouldn’t be considered property, particular not in this self-righteous and paternalistic sense:

To be honest, I have a deep concern for her because of the feministic culture we live in. Let’s face it; feminism has so influenced American culture that it has infiltrated the Christian culture just as much in more subtle ways. The average Christian woman is not trained from the home, nor encouraged, to find a husband as an alternative to going to college and starting a career. This is sad and unbiblical.

Feminism- the idea that women are every bit the equal as men, is somehow viewed as a threat to godliness…because Lord only knows what will happen when women begin to think for themselves and take control of their lives. In this context, “unbiblical” is simply a theologically correct way of saying that a woman has no place outside of caring for the men and children in her life.

And what if a girl decides that she doesn’t want to have children? What if she decides that her life’s calling is trying to accomplish something that doesn’t involve child rearing? Why are girls not allowed to make those choices based on what they feel is best for them and their dreams and aspirations?

A parent is legally and morally responsible for the well-being of their children until the reach the age of majority. Upon turning 18, a child should be able to choose their own path. Going to college for an education is a decision that a child should be able to make for themselves. That’s not to say that parents shouldn’t have input, but ultimately the decision should be the child’s…particularly if all you’re looking to do is marry her off:

For starters, I’m NOT opposed to my daughter getting a higher Christian (emphasis on Christian) education given that her heart is right (i.e., she does not want to get a degree just so that she can be independent of a man[.]

The idea that woman was created to fill the role of helper and companion to her husband may be convenient to men, but it does nothing in terms of considering the hopes and dreams of a woman. There are dreams beyond marrying and raising a family. Those are legitimate and valid options. To limit a woman’s choice to leaving her parent’s home for her husband’s completely belittles a woman’s right to choose for herself.

A parent could understandably be worried about the cost of a college education, which may seems wasteful to someone determine to marry his daughter off so she can do her biblical duty and serve a man.

I wouldn’t dream of handing my daughter to a godly man and saying, “Hey, pal. When you married my daughter, you also married her student debt, which is $50,000!” The epidemic of debt in our culture comes from the lie of self-entitlement. In other words, the “American Dream” (the idea that if you work hard you can be successful and happy) has morphed into the American Entitlement (the idea that someone owes them something for nothing).

Well, guess what? If your daughter is old enough to marry, she’s old enough to decide if that’s what she wants to do. Going through college and coming out owing a lot of money due to students isn’t fun, but sometimes that’s the only way to get an education. “We don’t have the money” isn’t just cause for a parent to deny their child an opportunity to better their lives. My own parents gave me all of $35 during my college days. The rest was done on financial aid- grants, student loans, scholarships, and work-study. It can be a difficult thing to do, but sometimes an education is worth every bit of the blood, sweat, tears, and yes, even debt. At 18, a child becomes an adult in the eyes of the law. As captain of their ship they should get to decide where the journey takes them. It’s not a parent’s role or responsibility to marry them off so they can be cared for by a man…unless the daughters concurs that it’s the choice she believes is best for her.

. [T]o be clear, I don’t intend to demean or discourage young women in school or in the workforce. There’s a point where it becomes gray. What’s not gray is the fact that young Christian women are indeed pursuing the same things as unbelieving women: independence from a man. Eve acted outside the authority and protection of Adam and, well, you know where that led to.

Why is the idea of a woman leading an independent life cause for consternation? Why is “independence from a man” held to be un-Christian and unladylike? Women are perfectly capable of making their own decisions, of leading their lives in the manner they choose for themselves. No man- parent or husband- has the right to believe they are the final authority over the choices made by the women in their lives. If you’re a man and you believe you are the ultimate authority over the women in your lives, you don’t have a spouse or daughter(s); you have employees.

The Bible doesn’t provide men with dominion over women. Sure, men (and women who believe themselves to be subservient to men) may well interpret Scripture that way, but neither the New Testament or the Old should be read as justifying men asserting dominance and control over women. That’s not Christianity; that’s sexism and misogyny…and women deserve better. If you can’t believe that, you don’t deserve to have a woman (whether daughter or wife) in your life. If you can’t cherish a woman as equal and capable of making their own decisions, if you can’t allow them the freedom to live as they see fit, then you’re a very sad excuse for a human being.

Women don’t exist for the gratification and edification of men, and men have no legal or moral claim to the right to exercise dominion over women. If you’re a man and you believe otherwise, I truly feel sorry for you. More than that, I feel sorry for the women in your life. They deserve better.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on October 26, 2014 8:55 AM.

Churches are for worship, schools are for education. Any questions? was the previous entry in this blog.

I know you think I make this stuff up, but.... is the next entry in this blog.

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