For many crypto-Marxist Americans, ragging on Republicans is a cherished pastime, but what do we really know about our conservative brothers and sisters? For instance, what even are Republicans? According to a new ad campaign by consulting firm Glass House Strategies, Republicans are people, primarily the kind that pose for stock photos. They’re also, it turns out, Prius drivers, beard and tattoo-havers and, most crucially, humans who care and have feelings. “On social media, I’ve been called every name in the book,” Glass House founder Vinny Minchillo told the New Republic. “It’s become socially acceptable to talk about Republicans in the most evil terms possible and that doesn’t seem right.”
It’s tempting- for perhaps a nanosecond- to feel sorry for Republicans, who evidently see themselves as victims of the last acceptable form of demonization left in America today. Why are people always hating on Republicans? Do they not have feelings? Do they not bruise when you hit them? Do they not bleed when you cut them? I suppose they do, but with all the whining, you could be forgiven for thinking that Republicans really are the victims of some sort of self-ascribed twisted definition of persecution…except that nothing could be further from the truth.
People hate on Republicans because they’ve demonstrated themselves to be the party of stupid, the party of “NO!!,” and the party best known for believing that all the unemployed want for Christmas is to continue sucking at the public teat. Republicans are themselves the PARTY of discrimination…not the victims of it. They’ve spent the past few years trying to pass legislation defining women and their lady parts as the property of men. They’ve held about a gazillion votes to overturn Obamacare, because evidently Americans having health insurance is something Republicans think is anti-American.
Fact is, Republicans suffer from a piss-poor public image that’s 100% self-inflicted. They don’t need a PR campaign to polish their image; they need to demonstrate that they have a collective conscience…and proving they have a soul wouldn’t hurt, either. They need to show Americans that they aren’t the party that claims to be all about the middle class…until the election’s over, at which point they revert to form and continue divining new and different ways to screw the middle class.
So Republicans have beards and drive Priuses…and probably even help old ladies cross the street. All that is apropos of nothing, because Americans- at least the ones paying attention- know what Republicans are about. They know that symbolism means nothing, and that working to screw women, minorities, senior citizens, the poor, and the middle class is not a great way to win hearts and minds. Until Republicans stop condoning ignorance, racism, homophobia, Islamophobia, and…well, you can smell what I’m cooking, right? Until Republicans put forth a platform that tells America what they’re FOR, what they’d do to move America forward, no PR campaign in the world will plug the holes in their leaky rowboat.
In fact, even Republican efforts to burnish their public image manage to backfire…because while the American Sheeple’s lack of intelligence can never be understated, even they recognize bullshit when they smell it.
The first problem is that Republicans are overwhelmingly White, Conservative, and male. You know it, I know it, they know it…though that’s hardly going to stop them from trying to spin their homogeneity into a love for all Mankind. Their policies favor the wealthy, the powerful, and the White. They’ve been at war with women, minorities, and the poor for lo, these many years; for them to pretend otherwise is ludicrous and disingenuous. They care about the 99% only insofar as they need their votes to gain and maintain political power. Once an election is over, the 99% can go fornicate themselves as far as Republicans are concerned.
Instead of ridiculous PR campaigns designed to propagandize the American Sheeple into believing that Republicans are something they really aren’t, how about some policy initiatives that would actually benefit Americans instead of corporations? How about not treating the social safety net as if it’s Socialism Incarnate? How about acting as if people matter? And while you’re at it, how about putting an end to treating the unemployed as if they’re all lazy dilettantes who want nothing more out of life than to suck at the public teat and live high off the hog…as if that’s even possible?
To be certain, Republicans ARE people- mean, selfish, greedy, insensitive, self-righteous people who’ve long since demonstrated themselves to be devoid of even the barest shred of compassion. Change that reality, and perhaps people will begin to see Republicans as more than callous, self-interested monsters who oppose any and all programs which don’t benefit them directly.
Like that’s going to happen….
