November 27, 2014 6:50 AM

Thanksgiving fried turkey: The annual exercise in natural selection and Darwin Award auditions

During my 10-year sojourn in Texas, there was a Lone Star State ritual every bit as predictable as it was humorous…and potentially deadly. Every Thanksgiving brought the obligatory stories of unfortunate souls who decided to fry their turkeys…without taking proper safety precautions, chief among them the iron-clad rule that YOU CAN’T ATTEMPT TO DROP A THAWING TURKEY CARCASS INTO BOILING OIL. Well, you could, I suppose…if you weren’t adverse to risking life, limb, and property. Every holiday brought variations on the same theme: Joe Sixpack in East Dogpatch, TX, decided to fry a turkey with his buddies. After a few beers to loosen things up, the menfolk fired up the fryer, pulled the turkey out of the freezer, and dropped their bird into the boiling oil. The resulting explosion would be immediate, massive, and sometimes even deadly. The conflagration that followed would burn down their garage, their outbuildings, sometimes even an entire house.

Ah, the holidays in Texas; where people have their local fire department on speed dial.

Man, burning down the garage, the deck, or even the whole house would make for some awkward Thanksgiving dinner conversation, eh?

I don’t mean to make light of what can, and often does, turn into a tragic situation. Still, frying a turkey shouldn’t become synonymous with auditioning for a Darwin Award. This sort of thing happens EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. Without fail…and this year will be no different. Television news stations throughout the South will feature turkey fryer-related mishaps with disturbing frequency. Every year someone thinks they’ve got it nailed…and every year someone dumps a frozen or thawing turkey into a vat of boiling peanut oil, with surprisingly predictable results.

Coming soon to a YouTube Channel near you….

It’s either the definity of insanity or natural selection. Maybe both.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Technorati

Technorati search

» Blogs that link here

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on November 27, 2014 6:50 AM.

The more you know about me.... was the previous entry in this blog.

The first illegal aliens is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Contact Me

Powered by Movable Type 6.0.2