Gratitude is all the rage. It’s the new meditation. The new kombucha. Books, studies, experts say cultivating it as a sort of daily offering has all sorts of health benefits, can make you happier, taller, smarter, makes dolphins leap and flowers explode. Is it true? Probably. Sure. With, perhaps, one caveat: Which kind of gratitude are you offering? Does it matter?
Over the past year or so, I’ve come to realize that no, my life isn’t perfect…but it’s pretty damned good, and I have much to be grateful for. I’ve always believe in the concept of gratitude, but I don’t know that it’s something I’ve ever really modeled to any degree. When I started to think about it, I realized that the first step to understanding something is to define it.
So what, exactly, IS gratitude?
The first, and most obvious place to start when looking for a definition is the dictionary, right? Turns out the dictionary definition is pretty simple:
a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favours
(Or the knowledge that your life doesn’t suck and you’re appreciative of that.)
Fair enough. Then my attention turned to another question: Are their different kinds of gratitude? I came across that answer while perusing the San Francisco Chronicle’s website and found a column by Mark Morford, who’s always been one of my favorite columnists. Morford’s premise is that there are in fact five types of gratitude:
1) For something: This is the easiest one; you could probably rattle off a laundry list of things you’re thankful for: friends, family, health, the Packers losing, etc.
2) For not something: This one’s a bit on the cynical side: you might be grateful that you’re NOT fat, or bald, or stupid, or that you’re NOT living in Somalia, or that you’re NOT a Packers fan. You get the idea….
3) Excessive (AKA It’s all good): Pollyanna lives here. If you’re excessively grateful, you almost always see the doughnut and not the hole. Bad experiences are forcibly repackaged into good ones (“I would never have learned to play the piano if my legs had not eaten off by angry parakeets.”). Yeah, you might want to reign that in just a wee bit, knowhutimean??
4) Reluctant (AKA: I don’t really feel it but know I’m supposed to so whatever): A a variation on #2- life sucks, people are horrible, existence is pointless…but in your heart of hearts, you know you probably should be grateful for…whatever. After all, you don’t have Ebola, the bank hasn’t foreclosed on your house, and the police haven’t found that joint in the glove compartment of your car.
5) For no thing: It’s a feeling, a vibe, a vague but definite sense of peace…sort of like the feeling after your first couple of bong hits right before you get the munchies. Or just after you’ve found out that the Packers lost.
I suppose at different times in our lives we can find ourselves is one, some, or perhaps even all of those spaces…and I’m less inclined to consider what type of gratitude I’m experiencing and just be grateful that I am grateful…which is probably a little too meta for this discussion.
I’m grateful for grace and mercy…because I feel like I’ve experienced more than my share this year.
Ultimately, I recognize that it’s nice to be in a place where feeling gratitude is a good and natural thing. I can look at my life and recognize that I’m a very fortunate person.
I hope I’ll never take that for granted.
