January 9, 2015 4:56 AM

Pubic Enemy #1??

Internet punsters are celebrating Megan Barnes as Florida’s “Pubic Enemy,” others are chattering about her “razor sharp focus.”…. The 37-year-old Barnes catapulted to instant fame for an alleged multi-tasking mash-up that earned the bottle-blonde’s mug shot a spot on hundreds of Web sites. According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2…. [T]he trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

Today…on “Stories That Will Make You Grateful For Natural Selection”….

I’ve taken a lot of risks in my time, and I’ve come close to seeing my time on this Earth come to an end on a couple of occasions. Even with all that I’ve survived, I’ve never tried driving to Key West while holding a razor to my “man region” (This is still a family show, right??). I can think of several potential outcomes, most of which involve a large volume of lost blood and a brilliant future as a soprano.

Try explaining that to the rental car company when you return your car to the Miami airport….

The story gets better, though. While attempting to make herself bikini-ready at highway speeds, the person holding the steering wheel for her was none other than…wait for it…her ex-husband. The history behind that is worthy of a story of its own, but that’s for another time. No, y concern is what happen with the razor blade she had between her legs when she rear-ended the SUV.

Yes, I know; feel free to cringe….

Oh…and if the story wasn’t already strange enough, Ms. Barnes shouldn’t have even been driving. She was convicted the day before for driving under the influence…on a suspended license. Even better, it was the SIXTH time her license had been suspended. And if that wasn’t enough, Ms. Barnes was charged with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance. The best thing is that she truly seemed not to understand what the problem was. Not exactly a MENSA candidate, is she?

Mama must be SO proud.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on January 9, 2015 4:56 AM.

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