January 6, 2015 6:17 AM

Today on "Great Moments in Derp: Jesus is a Republican"

Republican Barry Loudermilk of Georgia is not even in Congress yet, and already, he just might be our favorite congressional wingnut. He believes all the right things: Obamacare is THE WORST, except for the IRS, which is also the worst; unborned fetuses and guns are THE BEST; and YAY values and God and the Bible, oh, and the Constitution too, and boo Hollywood. Yup, we expect great things from this new member of Congress…. Sweet Christ, we can’t wait for soon-to-be Rep. Loudermilk to get himself sworn into Congress in January. We wouldn’t be so bold as to suggest he might be a contender to replace Michele Bachmann as one of the Christiest, derpiest members of the House…or would we?

If you were naive enough to think that Michele Bachmann’s departure from Congress would drive up collective IQ on Capitol Hill…well, prepare to be seriously disappointed. It’s appears that the new crop of Congressional Republicans is every bit as (and perhaps even more) derpy, uber-Jesus-y, and self-righteous.

Rep.-elect Loudermilk is but one of the derpmeisters who blame America’s demise on two things:

  1. The Black Guy in the White House ©, and
  2. removing God from government.

Yes, if only Americans would recognize that America today is like George Bailey from It’s A Wonderful Life- kinda down, lacking hope, floundering look for someone to throw him a lifeline…and in desperate need of God’s love and salvation.

[W]e just need a stark reminder that hey, we’re here for a purpose, and we impact others, and especially those that share our faith. You know, what we do every day impacts others. And so in our campaign, we took that idea and we reminded people of what a great blessing God has given us in this nation. And it’s our job to preserve it. And it’s not easy. And it’s difficult, but yet it’s our responsibility to sacrifice, to work, to pass this on to the next generation so they’ll have something better than we do. I sense that there is some momentum that we haven’t seen in many years in this nation, that people are just kind of tired of political correctness, they’re tired of having their rights stepped upon, and they’re ready for something different.

Right…because as ANY good, God-fearing ‘Murrican patriot knows, it REALLY sucks when Barack Obama’s jack-booted thugs stomp all over your liberty and freedom. Besides, that whole “separation of Church and State” thing is really only for losers and Liberals. REAL Americans love them some Jesus, and they WANT their government to be based on God. Never mind that when you’re talking theocracy, you really should take the example of Iran and Pakistan as illustration of what happens when government and religion are intermingled.

Remember, freedom of religion doesn’t mean freedom FROM religion….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on January 6, 2015 6:17 AM.

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