With the Supreme Court considering arguments for and against same-sex marriage, this seems a good time to look back at some of the truly bizzare, absurd, and just plain intellectually insulting arguments made in a desperate rearguard (no pun intended) attempt to keep gays from inflicting their “icky” lifestyle on good, God-fearing, Christian patriots who live by God’s Law…or whatever they’re calling it now.
Zack Ford from ThinkProgress went through dozens of amicus briefs (because he’s a better man than I am) filed with the Supreme Court to come up with 10 of the most absurd arguments presented against same-sex marriage. If you love twisted logic, desperate straw man arguments, generalized silliness, and over the top hyper-religiosity, as well as those who see themselves as legal scholars-but clearly aren’t- you’ll feel right at home.
1) If same-sex marriage is legal, fewer different-sex couples will marry.: Except when they don’t, and available data shows that same-sex marriage doesn’t have a deleterious effect on heterosexual marriage. That the study this arguments leans on was conducted by a Catholic priest doesn’t exactly speak to an appearance of intellectual honesty, does it? Turns out the marriage- of whatever flavor- is a net plus for society. People marry…and same-sex marriage certainly isn’t going to change that.
2) Children of same-sex couples fare worse if their parents are married.: If a serious argument can be made using debunked and/or out of date data, before you know it someone will claim that vaccines cause autism. Oh, wait….
3) “The ex-gay community is subject to more animus, intolerance, and discrimination than any other minority group.”: That’s a highly subjective…and frankly absurd claim that has no basis or evidence to support it. And am I the only one who thinks “many ex-gays and their supporters are forced to remain closeted, on the fringes of American culture, because of fear of societal disapproval and stigma” to be a tad ridiculous? If ex-gays choose to remain closeted, are they really ex-? Shame comes in many shapes, sizes, and colors (trust me on this one). That’s why counselors will always have a place in our society.
4) It’s an insult to the gay men who marry women to suggest that they should have to marry the same sex. Right; so because some men feel forced to live a lie, NO ONE should get to enjoy the legal rights and benefits conferred by marriage? And when has anyone suggested that gay men have to marry men? Isn’t this debate all about having the freedom to marry whom you choose?
5) Same-sex couples shouldn’t be allowed to marry because a few adults are bitter that their parents divorced long ago after one of them came out as gay. So because a parent admits to being who they really are and deciding to live authentically, they should be denied the right to marry because their children might end up angry, bitter, and feeling abandoned? I’m still bitter that my Little League team lost the city championship game when I was 12; does that mean the team that beat us doesn’t get to call themselves champions?
6) Same-sex marriage should lose in court because it’s winning in public opinion.: Opponents of same-sex marriage used to rely on the argument that the country wasn’t reason for the legally-sanctioned union of two men or two women. Now, they’ve flipped the script, arguing that the country is too ready, and that because homosexuals are no long “politically powerless” they no longer should be considered a protected minority class. Besides, if same-sex marriage wins in court and in public opinion, how will Conservatives be able to escape the tyranny of the majority?
7) Sodomy was condemned for so long that it’s inappropriate to honor it now with the status of marriage.: Because sodomy was prohibited in all states until 1961, it should still be prohibited. Sure, and by that logic, since DNA testing was not widely available to law enforcement until the 80s, it shouldn’t be used today…amiright?? Or there’s this: “Calling a same-sex union a marriage does not make it a marriage, any more than calling a tail a leg means a dog has five legs.” WTF??? Desperate times call for desperate logic, no??
8) If same-sex marriage is legalized, then military chaplains won’t be able to preach against it.: With the elimination of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” it’s difficult for chaplains to know who to instruct soldiers to hate. As any good, God-fearing Christian will tell you, God hates gays…and if chaplains can’t preach hatred of gays, why would there even be a need for chaplains? Haters will always be able to find a place to peddle their poison; our military shouldn’t be one of those places.
9) Same-sex marriage isn’t equal because women condition men to be sexually exclusive while men discourage women from divorcing.: “Marriage helps to focus a man’s energy and aggression to socially desirable ends, providing for and protecting wives and children, making their wives and children feel secure, happy, and loved.” So without a woman in a marriage, a male couple is likely to club one another to death? Or sleep around, neglect their children, and divorce each other when something better/different comes along? How is that any different from the current state of heterosexual marriage?
10) Legalizing same-sex marriage will promote hostility against opponents of marriage equality, like the backlash against those who supported California’s Proposition 8.: If you’re looking for hatred and hostility, I suppose you’re going to find it, right? If you’re irrational, mean-spirited, and malicious, you can’t claim to be surprised when you’re remembered (and treated) as such. Supporting discrimination and homophobia isn’t exactly a recipe for making friends, influencing enemies…or being on the right side of history.
There are far too many people willing to find reasons to continue the hatred and discrimination…even though the odds that same-sex marriage will directly degrade the quality of their life are nonexistent. For Conservatives, most of whom preach (and demand) the virtues of small government, the hypocrisy is stunning. Small government is not something to be created except for those parts of government necessary to enforce your pet social agenda. You’re either for small, unobtrusive government…or you’re a hypocrite who cares only about forcing your own “sincerely held religious beliefs” and moral standards on others who don’t believe as you do.
It’s time to let go of the hypocrisy and recognize that marriage- of whatever flavor- is a net gain for society. Then again, if the haters can’t focus their rage and calumny on same-sex marriage, they’ll have to find something else to focus their considerable negative energy on.
