May 16, 2015 7:27 AM

When you begin to doubt that a large number of Americans are morons....

A new poll by Public Policy Polling, a polling company, finds that 34 percent of NBA fans are out of their minds. The poll surveyed Americans about various sports-related topics, and one of the questions asked NBA fans in particular if they thought Michael Jordan could beat LeBron James in a game of one-on-one right now. Like, today. May 2015. Same year as the release of “Furious 7.” Same month as the release of “Pitch Perfect 2.” And amazingly — or more accurately, ridiculously — 34 percent said yes.

This just in: 34% of Americans are morons, devoid of any grip on reality or discernible brain wave activity. Not that this should come as a surprise, of course- not when you consider some of the truly stupid, unbelievable things Americans have convinced themselves are true. We’re a society with a reputation for sober reflection on demonstrable facts and provable reality…when it comes to reality shows, but we’ll swallow anything we hear on Fox News Channel without question. Thinking that a 52-year-old former athlete (though he was the greatest in his time) will step onto a basketball court after being retired for more than a decade and school the current greatest player in the world is at best fantastical and at worst delusional.

That 34% believe that Jordan would come off the golf course and dominate James makes sense, in an odd way. If you compare that belief to the numbers of those who believe Obama is going to invade Texas, that the government should suspend the Constitution and make Christianity the official religion, or who believe Obama is a Muslim illegally occupying the White House because he was born in Kenya, you’ll understand. Or maybe not; the idea of understanding this sort of mindset frankly scares the Hell out of me.

Worst of all, these people breed. And vote.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on May 16, 2015 7:27 AM.

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