May 30, 2015 5:00 AM

You don't have to be a horrible human being to like the Internet...but it certainly helps

GOSHEN, N.Y. — Her fiancĂ©, separated from his kayak, struggled in the frigid and choppy waters of the Hudson River, reaching for his paddle to save his life. But Orange County prosecutors said Tuesday that Angelika Graswald pulled it away, and failed to call for help. In a news conference on Tuesday, prosecutors disclosed new details in the death of Vincent Viafore, the kayaker who had been missing for weeks; his body was found over the weekend in the river, not far from where he disappeared. Prosecutors said that Ms. Graswald intended to kill Mr. Viafore, 46, and said that she had removed a plug from his kayak, causing the vessel to fill with water.

It’s no secret that I LOVE the Internet. Not only is the source of all Wisdom and Knowledge, but sometimes it can display a wicked (if not always in good taste) sense of humor. The above quote is from a story I found on the New York Times Facebook page. To be certain, it’s a tragic story of murder and betrayal. Ms. Graswald has been indicted on charges of second-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter in the death of Mr. Viafore for allegedly removed a plug from his kayak, which allowed the vessel to fill with water, evidently leading to his untimely demise. Turns out that Ms. Graswald knew she was the beneficiary of two life insurance policies with a combined value of $250,000- so motive, means, opportunity, yadayadayada.

Good night. Game over. Drive home safely.

It’s a sad tale, one that will very likely end with Ms. Graswald modeling prison orange for the rest of her sad, sorry existence…but that’s not what piqued my interest in her story. No, what grabbed me where some of the comments on the Times webpage. Depending on your perspective, their either wickedly humorous, or in distressingly poor taste (or both). From where I sit, I’m going to err on the side of wickedly humorous, because Ms. Graswald, if found guilty, will be getting what she deserves.

After the jump, I’ve reproduced some of the comments. Full disclosure: some may be deemed by my gentle readers to be in poor taste…but I’m pretty OK with that. It’s the Internet, the world’s largest filter-free zone.

Zaid Rasid This is why we need a ban on Kayaks

Zaid Rasid No. You ban kayaks. The number of kayak related murders is steadily increasing. There’s one in this story already. Kayaks are known as the catalyst or gateway boat to other type of marine/aquatic violence.

Shelley Kempner Vaden Guys, he’s trying to make a parallel with guns.
And it’s a FALSE parallel.
Because guns are for killing. Kayaks are not.

Zaid Rasid I’m stupid?? You have zero understanding of the detrimental effects of kayaking.

Mary Urech Stallings I think Mr. Rasid was kidding.

Zaid Rasid Oh thank you Mary. Sweet lord thank you. I made a Kayak joke. I went too far. For that people of FB. Im sorry. I’ll return to Instagram.

Nicole Hepperle I can’t believe this comment was taken seriously by so many people. Facepalm, I’m embarrassed to be human atm

Lynn Beach O’Neill “Gateway boat” hahahahaha! Bravo! Btw: you win the internet today for being brave to give voice to what the rest of us only dare ponder: kayaks are killers.

Adam Scopin Kayaks don’t kill people, people who pull paddles away kill people…

Juan Zavala …so she’s single right now?…

Jim Gillies Yeah, I thought I was pretty heartless, but this chick outdoes me easily.

Scott Ferguson Women! You give them an inch, they drown you.

Jared M Kovacs If they outlaw kayaks,only outlaws will own kayaks.

Daniel S. Toma That’s one way to end an engagement

Britt Bearden Kelley Schock is this why you want to go kayaking so bad?

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on May 30, 2015 5:00 AM.

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