Homophobes should consider a little self-reflection, suggests a new study finding those individuals who are most hostile toward gays and hold strong anti-gay views may themselves have same-sex desires, albeit undercover ones…. The research, published in the April 2012 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, reveals the nuances of prejudices like homophobia, which can ultimately have dire consequences. [The 10 Most Destructive Human Behaviors]…. “Sometimes people are threatened by gays and lesbians because they are fearing their own impulses, in a sense they ‘doth protest too much,’” [co-author Richard] Ryan told LiveScience. “In addition, it appears that sometimes those who would oppress others have been oppressed themselves, and we can have some compassion for them too, they may be unaccepting of others because they cannot be accepting of themselves.”
Like most of us, I know a number of confirmed, unrepentant homophobes. In my case, this includes someone I grew up with whose virulent opposition to anything redolent of homosexuality borders on the irrational. I wonder whether that homophobia might be deeply rooted in something this person reacts to viscerally because he’s terrified of confronting and/or admitting the truth about himself. Do I know for a fact that he’s gay and terrified of it? Of course not; it wouldn’t change my opinion of him, nor is it any of my business. When it comes to sexuality, I’m a “live and let live” kind of person. I’ve often said that I’m profoundly ambivalent to homosexuality and issues of sexuality generally. It’s not a lifestyle I’ve chosen or would choose for myself, but if it works for someone else, then more power to them. Their choice, their rules, their life. I’ve always believed there’s plenty of room in this sandbox for everyone. Why would I for a moment believe my moral compass points in a direction that would allow for me to impose my standards on another guilty only of thinking, believing, living, and/or loving differently? Being “different” isn’t a crime; it just means you’re “different.”
What I refuse to condone are those who are virulently anti-gay because they can’t be honest with themselves about who they are (Et tu, Dennis Hastert? Larry Craig?). Some folks simply can’t handle knowing they’re sexually attracted to members of the same gender. Whether because of upbringing, social pressure, political considerations, or other factors, too often people who may well be deeply closeted homosexuals rail against what they’re unable to face in themselves. They hate those who manifest the part of themselves they can’t accept and/or own. I don’t care about the homosexuality part of the equation; it’s the hypocrisy that aggravates me.
The person I’m thinking of is someone who’s stridently anti-gay and unalterably opposed to same-sex marriage. From his deeply Conservative Evangelical Christian perspective, homosexuality is an abomination against God. Fair enough; I respect his right to believe what he will, but it’s difficult to understand why this is an issue for him. Given his arch-Conservative beliefs (he believes Barack Obama to be a Muslim and Ted Nugent an American hero) and those he associates with, I can’t imagine he knows or has known many open homosexuals. It’s not as if homosexuality or same-sex marriage would pose a clear and present danger to him, his marriage, or his moral universe- yet he opposes same-sex marriage with every fiber of his being. It’s enough to make me wonder what’s really behind that ironclad opposition. Is it conviction? Or is it the fear of admitting who he really is?
I don’t know the answer to those questions, and I don’t need or want to know. It’s his life, his world view, and his karma. It’s difficult for me to reconcile the person I was once so close to with the one who grew up to be such a narrow-minded, intolerant, hyper-religious bigot and homophobe who holds fiercely to beliefs I find objectionable and ridiculous. The good news is that I don’t have to live in his head and deal with the consequences. That said, sometimes I just want to ask,
“Why ya gotta be like that??”
