June 6, 2015 6:50 AM

Today's nominee for Headline of the Year: The Stupid, it is strong in this one

Homeschooling expert: Sex-ed is a liberal plot — make kids watch guinea pigs do it instead

A conservative activist, who has been billed as a homeschooling expert by tea party groups, warned over the weekend that sex-ed courses were a plot to increase the number of Democratic voters by destroying marriages. In an interview with radio host Jan Markell, Marjorie Holsten argued that the only way that schools could teach sexual education in the Common Core curriculum would be to waive obscenity laws in many states. “People say to me, why would they teach such awful things to our children?” she remarked. “If you go deep down and you connect those dots, you see that when children are desensitized to sexual things, that affects their ability at a later date to bond with a spouse.”…. “And so if you have somebody who can’t bond, they’re not going to have a stable marriage. When you have unstable, broken households, how do they vote? Democrat. So this has a very evil underlying intent.”

I’ve always struggled with the idea that a self-professed Christian could harbor the belief that sex is dirty, nasty, and best not discussed in polite company. If you believe in a (maybe not so) benevolent God, would it not stand to reason that you’d believe that sex was something beautiful, a gift from the Almighty to be shared between a husband and wife…or even consenting adults? How is it that something so thoroughly enjoyable and pleasurable could be viewed as dirty, sinful, and/or licentious? Why are so many Christians obsessed with the idea that people might be enjoying life with their clothes off?

I’m not going to argue the contention that sex can be and is frequently misused…as often as not by Christians as anyone else…and perhaps that’s the problem. Perhaps some Christians are so afraid of being controlled by their carnal urges that they’ve determined the only way to control them is to work to deny that to ANYONE. They’re afraid they can’t handle it, so they’ve determined that sex and sexuality must be curtailed and kept tightly under lock and key.

If THEY can’t have fun, NO ONE gets to have fun.

Yeah, like THAT’S worked well throughout human history….

In an environment where expressions and discussions of sex and sexuality are repressed, how then to educate children about the birds and the bees?

Would you believe…wait for it…guinea pigs??

“They should learn it the way I did, by watching animals do it on the street,” Williams joked.

“Actually, that was how I taught my children,” Holsten admitted. “We started with a boy guinea pig…”

“What? You taught your kids sex-ed with guinea pigs?” Williams interrupted.

“Well, we had a boy and a girl guinea pig that clearly liked each other,” Holsten said. “You really couldn’t see anything because they’re big, furry little fuzzball things. I mean, that’s why there isn’t guinea pig porn movies.”

Yeah, about that whole “that’s why there isn’t guinea pig porn movies” thing…. Turns out that Holsten, not surprisingly, is dead wrong; “guinea pig porn” is a thing. This is the Internet, after all; if you have an odd predilection and it can be turned into something even remotely sexual, there’s a porn genre with your name on it. If you don’t believe me, spend some time on Google and see for yourself.

A few years ago, at a time when I was in need of a few giggles, I Googled “Romanian dwarf porn.” I figured that was odd and eclectic enough that NO WAY would there be anything like that on da Interwebz. Evidently I SERIOUSLY misunderestimated the depth and breadth of porn availability.

With that in mind, before you go claiming that “there isn’t __ porn movies,” you might want to avail yourself of a Google search. You could very well end up saving yourself the embarrassment of being proven a moron.

While I’d agree that sex and sexuality is a topic that should be discussed with children with caution, approaching it from the viewpoint that it’s dirty and nasty seems a recipe for disaster. If you want your children to grow up to have a mature, well-adjusted view of all things sexual, teaching it from a place where sex is evil and wrong sees counterproductive, as are claims that people with unstable marriages end up voting Democratic. It’s one thing to educate your children, but when you’re passing along your fears and prejudices, you can’t claim to be surprised when they turn out to be at least as or perhaps even more f——d-up than you are.

If you, like Ms. Holsten, are so embarrassed by the idea of teaching your child about sex that you’d force them to watching guinea pigs “do it,” you’re failing at parenthood. If you believe that sex is dirty, nasty, and/or sinful, I truly feel sorry for you…because you’re doing it wrong.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 6, 2015 6:50 AM.

Be careful what you ask for...because you just might get it was the previous entry in this blog.

Edumication?? We don't need no stinkin' edumication!! is the next entry in this blog.

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