For the people of Portland, the event has been normalizing itself. People have mounted bikes naked every year since 2004, when the World Naked Bike Ride - a global protest against oil and for cyclist rights - first came to town. Every year since then, more people have joined the ride, growing it from a niche event into a mass gathering, one of the largest Naked Bike Rides in the world…. “God is angry with all of you!” he bellowed. “Everybody here is going to die and go straight to hell!”…. The riders responded by whooping and yelling. A guy brought over a portable speaker of his own and started playing music. A makeshift dance party broke out. Their message was lost on the crowd.
I’ve always been astonished by the amount of attention Portland’s Naked Bike Ride attracts, as well as the amount of consternation it generates in some quarters. It’s a bike ride; whether the riders are naked or clothed seems barely (pun fully intended) worthy of attention. Despite what some may think, there’s nothing remotely sexual or even vaguely erotic about 10,000 naked bodies grouped together. I’m not opposed to nudity, but I’m of a mind that no one really needs to see me naked, and so I’ve always passed on the opportunity to join in.
For Portlanders, the Naked Bike Ride is a quaint nonevent that impacts them not at all. That a small minority would be so thoroughly offended by public nudity is something I find difficult to grasp. Christians protesting displays of their Lord’s most wonderful and unique creation? WTF??? If modesty is your Prime Directive, why even make the effort to show up and protest when there’s a very good chance you’ll be shouted down or roundly ignored? Why not stay home and watch TLC’s 19 Kids (And Counting) marathon? Why not engage in prayer and supplication? Or volunteer at a homeless shelter? Or do something that might actually resembling living the love, tolerance, acceptance, and inclusion your Savior preached? Instead, you scream at people about their sinfulness and licentiousness? Yeah, how’s that supposed to win friends and influence enemies?
When I told people I was going to participate in the World Naked Bike Ride, most of them shook their heads.
“Good luck,” they’d say. “I could never do that.”
I get it - used to think the same thing. But as the crowd of 10,000 smiling faces reached the end of the ride Saturday night, I felt like a fresh convert into the religion of naked cycling.
It was an incredible experience, and as it turns out, the bike seat feels just fine.
I’m not sure I’m quite down with the idea of naked cycling as a religion, but to each his own, right? As I’ve already said, no one really needs (or probably wants) to see me naked…and I’m pretty OK with that. Bike shorts were invented for a reason, so I figure why not honor their purpose and raison d’etre and use them? If nothing else, I figure I’d at the very least have save a bike seat from an early demise.
Portland being what it is, the annual Naked Bike Ride gets attention because…well, it’s 10,000 naked bicyclists riding around town. Outside of a vocal (and very small) minority, the reaction from the vast majority of locals is a decided “Meh…just another night in southeast Portland.”
So somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 people took their clothes off and rode their bikes around town? They should probably be thankful the ride’s in June and not December, when you’d have to deal with some serious shrinkage. For my part, I can hardly wait until next year, when I can pretty much ignore it in the same way I do every year. If my bike seat could talk, I suspect it would be saying something along the lines of “Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!”…and the world breathes a collective sigh of relief, secure in the knowledge they’re safe from seeing me naked for at least another year.
