It’s been said- usually by me- that stupid can be on its second lap around the world before smart manages to drag its sorry, hung over ass out of bed. This edition, as with most others, serves as ample proof of the power of a low double-digit IQ.
Any time you can use the term “atomic wedgie” shortly before mentioning Jim Bakker, Rick Santorum, and defecating tourists in Iceland…well, you know you’ve put in a full day’s work, amiright??
Without further ado, let’s get down to the business at hand, shall we? You’ve been a great audience! Enjoy Milli Vanilli!!!
Oklahoma man gets 30 years in prison for fatal ‘atomic wedgie’: There was no word on the condition of the tighty whities after the attack.
New signs made to deter defecating tourists: If you’re a tourist in Iceland and you just can’t be bothered to use a restroom to do your business…well, here’s your sign.
Traveler Removed From Flight After Telling Anti-Gay Texas Governor To ‘Go To Hell’: I would have thought the guy should have been nominated for a medal.
‘What the f-ck were you thinking?’ High school mocked by John Oliver refuses to drop ‘Midget’ as mascot: Oliver’s first mistake was in assuming there was any actual thought process taking place. If you can’t see that this might be terribly offensive, you should have your humanity rechecked…because it’s obviously defective.
Doctor accused of taking pictures up woman’s skirt in Publix: Just in case it wasn’t made clear enough in medical school: Gynecological exams are NOT to be conducted in the cereal aisle.
Pastor Jim Bakker blames Obama’s Iran deal for California’s drought and the Second Coming of Christ: Sounds like someone’s out of prison and off his medication.
Ben Carson Set To Join Pastor Who Wants Gays Put To Death At Iowa Conference: When your definition of “religious liberty” involves executing those who dare to love differently, you’re not a Christian. You’re a sociopath.
Fish with breakfast: Fish tank bursts in FIU food court: Guess what was on the menu later that day?
Scott Walker Says His Presidential Bid Is ‘God’s Plan’: That’s either the arrogance of a seriously inflated ego…or the first indication someone is in serious need of Thorazine.
Conservative pundits agree: Americans used to be too poor for ‘gay lovers’ — and that was awesome: Wait…there was a time when Americans were too poor to be gay? How is it that they’ve never been too poor to be stupid?
Rick Santorum: ‘Take Down Planned Parenthood’ To ‘Scrub All Racism From America’: How one goes from an organization that provides reproductive health care to women to racism is a logical leap only a crazy mullah of Santorum’s caliber is capable of making.
Customer Upset About Taco Bell Wi-Fi Takes Out Knife, Police Say: If the biggest problem in your life is the poor quality of wifi coverage at your local Taco Bell….
Evangelical pastor arrested for sex abuse after being found with 13-year-old girl in backseat of a car: In his defense, he did claim that he was only teaching her the basics of snake handling…using himself as a visual aid.
Indonesia’s ‘Chicken Church’ Is So Much Cooler Than Florida’s: Why am I not surprised Floriduh has something like this?
Jade Helm 15 watchdog writes off liberals as ‘useless’: ‘I can’t wait to kill thousands of these f-cks’: And being an ignorant conspiracy theorist makes him a morally superior human being? You just can’t fix arrogant stupid, can you?
5 Tips For Becoming A Competitive Eater: Wait…gluttony’s a competitive sport? What’s next, tag team adultery??
Reddit’s ‘decency’ reckoning has begun. Why are trolls and racists still winning?: Hmm…perhaps because no one at Reddit has the decency to stand up and tell them to pound sand?
U.S. Map Shows Which States Use Which Curse Words The Most: My money’s on Floriduh, West Virginia, and New York.
