The Waco biker shootings, incessant and torrential rainfall, and the woes of Blue Bell have been three of this summer’s dominant, ongoing stories. Apprehensions regarding the onset of next month’s Operation Jade Helm have been a fourth. Though we are not hearing as much dark Jade Helm chatter as we were back in late May and early June, the Texas Tribune reported yesterday that 44 percent of Texans believe that the military would likely be used to impose martial law. Almost half of us. And this being America, perhaps the most conspiracy-minded country ever to exist, there are those who do believe that all these stories tie together, pretty as an able seaman’s knot.
I never cease to be amazed at the depth and breadth of human stupidity. It’s a barrel whose bottom can’t be scraped…because there is no bottom. Nowhere is this more true than Texas. Maybe it’s the water. Or the heat. Or the humidity. Whatever the reason, it seems Texas’ primary raison d’etre is to serve as a Petri dish for all manner of mass ignorance and wide-spread delusion.
I’ve written extensively about Jade Helm 15, which, depending on who you believe, is merely just another Army training exercise on our southern border…or the evil precursor to The Black Guy in the White House © declaring martial law, suspending the Constitution, and turning abandoned Walmart stores in Texas into internment camps where American patriots will be held, sodomized, and tortured. There are suspicions the government may resort to electromagnetic pulse (EMP) attacks in order to assist the Russians with seizing our southern states and returning them to Mexico.
I know…you’re thinking- as I am- that if Mexico wants the South so badly, why don’t we just give it to them? Who goes through the mess and fuss of an EMP attack when most Americans would gladly hand our southern states over, no questions asked?
There are those in Texas absolutely convinced beyond ANY shadow of a doubt Jade Helm 15 is how America will be destroyed and handed over to our new homosexual Muslim overlords, who will persecute and forcibly brainwash Christian patriots into begging for anal sex. They know this BECAUSE IT ALL TIES TOGETHER, SHEEPLE!! WAKE UP, AMERICA!! THEY’RE COMING FOR YOUR GUNS AND YOUR BIBLES AND THEY’RE GONNA FORCE US TO GET GAY MARRIED!!!
We’ve already reported that some believe that the Memorial Day floods and Tropical Storm Bill were creations of government weather machines designed to soften up the Texas populace for the upcoming federal occupation, imposition of martial law, and mass incarcerations in Wal-Marts reconfigured as prison camps. And there is dark talk that the Twin Peaks bloodbath was a Jade Helm-related false flag attack.
But what if the Blue Bell shutdown was also part of that same nefarious master plan?
There are a few out there who think just that. At some point about a month ago, a convoy of southbound Blue Bell refrigerator trucks was spotted on Interstate 25 in Colorado, apparently intermingled with a military convoy.
And a few bloggers went nuts.
As anyone who understands conspiracy theorists can tell you, Right-wing bloggers are the “canary in the coal mine.” When something’s afoot, it’s usually bloggers who pick up on and broadcast it as unvarnished truth. You can do that when there’s no burden of proof. That said, when you live in a world in which you can weave a conspiracy out of ice cream trucks, abandoned Walmart stores, and government-controlled weather machines, who needs proof? Besides, Right-wing conspiracy theorists will tell you there are no claims, only unanswered questions which raise suspicions. What is the government hiding? Why is there so much activity centered around closed Walmarts? And how do ice cream trucks and government-controlled weather machines factor into what appears to be an increasingly nefarious plot?
As for the ice cream trucks, there appears to be a pretty simple explanation:
Reached at Brenham HQ, a Blue Bell rep told one of the bloggers that the trucks were simply en route from a facility that had already been shut down in late May to another one that was still open at that point, and that it was just a coincidence that the ice cream trucks and HumVees were rumbling down the road next to each other.
If you’re not buying that pat and FAR too plausible explanation…well, there may just be a good reason not to. As one blogger helpfully pointed out, the Bush family’s ties to Blue Bell are well-documented. Or something like that.
Well, guess what, Sheeple? BLUE BELL LIED!!! AND THERE’S PROOF!!!
What do all these seemingly unrelated facts mean? Are we about to occupied by a more malevolent version of a government that already governs us? Or is Blue Bell actually in cahoots with the the US Army to create a One World Government ruled by George Soros, the Trilateral Commission, and the Green Bay Packers?
I don’t know about you, but all this conspiracy theorizing is doing is making me hungry for some of Blue Bell’s Key Lime Pie ice cream. Yes, I may be acceding to a brutal anti-Christian dictatorship, but at least it’ll be a tasty one.
Three scoops, please!! I know; I have no self control….
