August 22, 2015 7:55 AM

Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us: When brain-dead would be considered an upgrade

There’s a point beyond which the human intellect should not be forced to go…or, as is the case with today’s batch of miscreants, a depth no mind should be forced to plumb. I used to be able to enjoy the delusion that the average human being was capable of at least a small degree of intellectual independence, the idea that they could function and fend for themselves. Now I look around and realize we’re surrounded by hypocrites, liars, thugs, bigots, and morons…or, as you might know it, humanity.

Sometimes I find myself looking around and wondering what sort of world we’re leaving for the next generation. When this one appears to have the collective IQ of a damp sponge, where does one go to feel good about the future? Where does one find hope that those who come after will do things better? Who will correct our mistakes? Then I realize the next generation is learning from us…and I find myself fighting the urge to crawl into a bathtub with a razor blade and a bottle of Jameson. Yes, it appears humanity continues to survive in spite of itself, which given this collection of intellectual outliers, seems something of a minor miracle.

You’ve been a great audience…enjoy Culture Club!!

Why I’ll Never Shave My Pubic Hair Again: You want to put a razor blade next to my WHAT???

Josh Duggar Real Sorry Porn Demons Forced His Penis Into Strange Ladies: It sure beats the Hell out of taking personal responsibility for your actions, eh?

Giant Red Ball Rolls Down Toledo Streets: Evidently this world is just a bocce ball court for the gods.

NASA: Giant asteroid will not destroy Earth next month: Maybe in October or November, but definitely not in September.

Orlando airport’s prayer room is tailored to Muslims but open to anyone — and conservatives are furious: Which only goes to show that Conservatives can be truly miserable excuses for human beings.

Mike Huckabee Lectures Jewishes In Their Homeland. It Does Not Go Well: Huckabee’s quest to be ordained as the next President of the United States of Israel is not going according to plan.

Conservative Radio Host Is Totally Cool With Bringing Back Slavery: That this person is considered influential in Republican political circles says pretty much everything you need to know in order to understand today’s GOP.

WV mom demands school ban rainbow flags because ‘not prejudiced’ son can’t wear Confederate gear: Today on “Great Moments in False Equivalence”….

Idaho Transportation Dept. Has Had It With You Stoners Stealing ‘420’ Mileposts: So they put up a 419.9 milepost. THAT’LL teach ‘em!!

Fox News Hosts Lament How Hard It Is To Be White: What? You think it’s easy being a member of the oppressing class?

61-Year-Old Man Violently Attacked by Police and Arrested For Singing Beach Boys Song: It could have been worse for him. At least he wasn’t singing Gino Vanelli songs.

Anna Duggar ‘partly blames herself’ and will never leave her cheating anti-LGBT activist husband: source: Why does “lack of self-esteem” and “masochist” keep running through my brain?

Jindal To Screen Graphic Planned Parenthood Videos On His Lawn: After which he’ll host a live abortion complete with color commentary.

How ambiguity panic motivates conservative culture warriors: Conservatives HATE being faced with something the can’t control and turn to their advantage.

Man Accidentally Shoots Himself at Oklahoma ‘Muslim-Free’ Gun Range: Which only goes to show that banning Muslims can’t fix stupid.

Ann Coulter On Bill O’Reilly: ‘Good God, He’s Stupid’: Nah…stupid would imply he has something of value to share but is just misinformed. O’Reilly’s just your common, garden-variety thug. Coulter certainly isn’t any better.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 22, 2015 7:55 AM.

Fracking: Who's going to worry about a few chemicals in their water? was the previous entry in this blog.

The sad saga of Jared Fogle: Karma can be a real b---h, knowhutimean?? is the next entry in this blog.

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