We both liked children; we just didn’t want any ourselves. There were children everywhere, and we saw no reason to start our own brand. Young couples plunge into parenthood and about half the time they end up with some ghastly problem on their hands. We thought we’d leave that to others.
- Thomas McGuane
In many respects, I suppose I’m fortunate to have decided early on that I didn’t want children. The reasons are as simple as they are complex, but the short version is that I’ve never felt the need to procreate, and the idea of raising children sounded- at least to me- too much like forcing myself to give up on the things I wanted out of life.
I considerate myself fortunate to have married someone who, like me, has never felt the need to have children. I can only speak for myself, but I’ve never experienced the need/desire to bring children into the world, so raising a family was never on my radar. I frequently joke about having had all my children vicariously, but there’s some truth to that. I enjoy being an uncle, safe in the knowledge that no matter what happens, the children always go home with someone else.
I’m also thankful I’ve never had cause to feel judged and found wanting for my decision. I think from time to time some of my friends may be somewhat envious of the freedom Erin and I enjoy, just as the reverse is true. There are times when I wonder what sort of parent I’d have been. Would I have possessed the patience, courage, and resolve to do the right thing in the right way? Would I have set a good example for my progeny? There’s no way to know, of course, and that will always remain the great unanswered question of my life…and I’m OK with that. As with any decision, there are consequences that flow from it. In this case, I’ll never walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding, nor will I ever be a grandparent. Sure, there are things I’ll miss out on, but I’ve also been able to do something things with my life I’d never have been able to had I been raising a family. I’ve lived and worked in three different war zones, not the sort of thing most men with families would’ve undertaken. Life is full of trade-offs; this is just the one I’ve claimed as my own.
Instead of having children, Erin and I are contemplating getting a dog…and as much as I love dogs, even that’s a huge commitment for me. When she asked why, my tongue-in-cheek response was, “What part of spoiled and self-absorbed do you fail to understand?” We have two cats, but they’re easy and very self-sufficient- clean their litter box, leave some food and water, and they’re good for 2-3 days. You can’t do that with a dog; there’s a responsibility there, which means that if you leave for any length of time, you have to provide for their care. I rather enjoy my uncomplicated (at least in that respect) life; adding a dog to the mix would be a huge complication, but in the end one I think I’ll come to enjoy. I just have to work my way up to it. Once we return from our honeymoon, we’ll look into taking that step…which won’t be an easy or quick one, if for no other reason than we still haven’t decided what we’re looking for in a dog. There are only like a million and one different options.
Let’s face it, though; if I’m wrestling with the decision to get a dog, can there be any doubt I made the right call when it came to starting a family??
