The number of American children raised without religion has grown significantly since the 1950s, when fewer than 4% of Americans reported growing up in a nonreligious household, according to several recent national studies. That figure entered the double digits when a 2012 study showed that 11% of people born after 1970 said they had been raised in secular homes. This may help explain why 23% of adults in the U.S. claim to have no religion, and more than 30% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 say the same. So how does the raising of upstanding, moral children work without prayers at mealtimes and morality lessons at Sunday school? Quite well, it seems. Far from being dysfunctional, nihilistic and rudderless without the security and rectitude of religion, secular households provide a sound and solid foundation for children, according to Vern Bengston, a USC professor of gerontology and sociology.
One of the refreshing trends I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older is that an increasing number of Americans are more willing to ask honest questions when it comes to religion. More and more people are deciding that they’re good without God, that they don’t need the belief in an unseen force monitoring their every thought, word, and deed in order to lead a good and moral life.
Not that religion is necessarily a bad thing, of course. In concept, religion- take your pick- is a good thing, being largely about peace, coexistence, and understanding. Read the teachings of most any religion, and what you’ll find is a recipe for leading a life based on love, compassion, and service to humanity. No, the problem lies with so many of those who interpret the teachings of religion and twist them to support their ignorance, fear, prejudice, and/or lust for power and control. Therein lies the reason I consider myself to be good without God. I dabbled in Christianity in my childhood, ultimately deciding that modern Christianity couldn’t begin to address the kind of person I wanted to be.
The good news is that it turns out that raising children in a secular environment isn’t harmful to their moral development. Teaching them sound moral and values not based on religious teachings can be every bit as effective in raising children to do the right thing for the right reasons.
High levels of family solidarity and emotional closeness between parents and nonreligious youth, and strong ethical standards and moral values that had been clearly articulated as they were imparted to the next generation.
“Many nonreligious parents were more coherent and passionate about their ethical principles than some of the ‘religious’ parents in our study,” Bengston told me. “The vast majority appeared to live goal-filled lives characterized by moral direction and sense of life having a purpose.”
Thus, it appears the claims of those who ascribe to the idea that sound morals and ethical values can’t exist without an underlying religious belief are mistaken. In fact, there’s no reason to believe that morals and ethics ipso facto walk hand in hand with religious teachings. Not that they’re mutually exclusive, of course, but the idea that one cannot lead a moral life absent a corresponding belief in an unseen Supreme Being monitoring and judging one’s every thought, word, and deed turns out to be just plain wrong.
Religion can, of course, be a basis for teaching children sound moral and ethical values. At their most basic, that’s really what most religions are about. Unfortunately for some, religion is not a prerequisite and/or the only effective means of teaching children to do the right things for the right reasons.
For secular people, morality is predicated on one simple principle: empathetic reciprocity, widely known as the Golden Rule. Treating other people as you would like to be treated. It is an ancient, universal ethical imperative. And it requires no supernatural beliefs. As one atheist mom who wanted to be identified only as Debbie told me: “The way we teach them what is right and what is wrong is by trying to instill a sense of empathy … how other people feel. You know, just trying to give them that sense of what it’s like to be on the other end of their actions. And I don’t see any need for God in that. …
“If your morality is all tied in with God,” she continued, “what if you at some point start to question the existence of God? Does that mean your moral sense suddenly crumbles? The way we are teaching our children … no matter what they choose to believe later in life, even if they become religious or whatever, they are still going to have that system.”
Morality for many- myself included- is about what’s best described as the Golden Rule- Treat others as you would wish others to treat you. I’ve long believed in Abraham Lincoln’s concise description of his own religious philosophy: “My religion is kindness.”
Studies have found that secular teenagers are far less likely to care what the “cool kids” think, or express a need to fit in with them, than their religious peers. When these teens mature into “godless” adults, they exhibit less racism than their religious counterparts, according to a 2010 Duke University study. Many psychological studies show that secular grownups tend to be less vengeful, less nationalistic, less militaristic, less authoritarian and more tolerant, on average, than religious adults.
Recent research also has shown that children raised without religion tend to remain irreligious as they grow older — and are perhaps more accepting. Secular adults are more likely to understand and accept the science concerning global warming, and to support women’s equality and gay rights. One telling fact from the criminology field: Atheists were almost absent from our prison population as of the late 1990s, comprising less than half of 1% of those behind bars, according to Federal Bureau of Prisons statistics. This echoes what the criminology field has documented for more than a century — the unaffiliated and the nonreligious engage in far fewer crimes.
Another meaningful related fact: Democratic countries with the lowest levels of religious faith and participation today — such as Sweden, Denmark, Japan, Belgium and New Zealand — have among the lowest violent crime rates in the world and enjoy remarkably high levels of societal well-being. If secular people couldn’t raise well-functioning, moral children, then a preponderance of them in a given society would spell societal disaster. Yet quite the opposite is the case.
If you believe in God, then good on you. I hope that you’re able to honestly follow the teachings of your faith and that you conduct yourself in a manner that reflects positively on it. Unfortunately, these days it’s increasingly difficult to find examples of people who actually LIVE their faith. Perhaps it’s just that these folks live their lives quietly and sincererly in a manner that doesn’t attract attention. It’s far easier to find examples of those who use religion to justify hatred, judgment, exclusion, and homophobia.
Religion CAN help instill sound moral and ethical values in children…but it’s certainly not the only- or even most effective- way to raise children up to be constructive, compassionate members of society. Turns out there’s more than one way to instill those values in children…AND that religion isn’t necessarily the most effective.
If you don’t believe in God, then good on you as well. Religious faith- or the lack of same- is a personal and private concern. It’s certainly not a prerequisite for leading a life informed by sound moral and ethical values. Would that more deeply religious folks could see their way clear to recognizing this fact. Our world would certainly be a much better place for it.
