Today's reason why I love da Interwebz: Ted Cruz erotica

Senator Ted Cruz is on the Presidential campaign trail, but losing focus and fast thanks to a blossoming sexual obsession with the colors of the rainbow pride flag. While at wits’ end for satisfaction, he crosses paths with a box of crayons in a convenience store and a night of passion ensues. Can these waxy lovers sate his colorful needs?

This is almost enough to make me believe in a benevolent God with a robust sense of humor. Just in time for Christmas, Amazon has made available for download the newest offering in the (evidently) growing genre of Ted Cruz erotica, The Many Hues Of Ted Cruz: A Crayon Erotic Parody.

I have to admit that I find the thought of having anything even faintly resembling erotic thoughts about Ted Cruz to be…disturbing at the very least. Still, for someone so focused on bringing his brand of hatred, religious discrimination, and homophobia to the White House, it’s a good way to hold him up to some well-deserved ridicule. There’s a good argument to be made that anyone who aims to unite America by dividing it SHOULD be exposed and parodied for what they are. Cruz has nothing positive to offer America. His campaign has been based on the naked, unvarnished pursuit of power at any and all cost. He’s determined that the best and most profitable way for him to succeed in reaching his goal is to appeal to the darker angels of the American Sheeple. If only he wasn’t such a thoroughly ridiculous and easy example of hateful buffoonery worthy only of derision and mockery.

While I’d prefer not to think of the combination of Cruz and a box of crayons in lurid sexual terms, I suspect there are those out there who’d rather enjoy that sort of thing. Such is the beauty of the diversity of this country, no? Whatever gets you through the night, amigo….

I can only hope that the campaign of this generation’s Joseph McCarthy meets the embarrassing and ignominious end it deserves. I’m thinking being caught by TMZ in a San Francisco bath house with a bevy of rent boys would be a fitting denouement to a campaign built on hatred, homophobia, and hypocrisy.

It’s still early; there’s plenty of time for Cruz to show his true colors.