September 25, 2015 6:13 AM

Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us: Things you just can't make up....

After being out of the country for a couple weeks, it was refreshing to return and discover that the silliness continue without me. Not that I was worried about it, of course. Lunacy predates my arrival on Earth and it will certainly survive long after my departure. I’d been concerned my absence would cause me to miss something thoroughly, completely and deliciously FUBAR. It’s possible I did, but the intellectually challenged nature of humanity is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Upon our return, it was refreshing, if unsurprising, to discover that the never-ending supply of silly hadn’t missed a beat. Without further ado, then, enjoy the latest offering. You’ve been a great audience; enjoy Meatloaf!!

Police arrest naked-jogging Alabama couple after finding sunburned, bug-bitten baby alone on beach: Police suspect drugs were involved. Wow…whoathunkit??

Iowa Plays F-ck, Marry, Kill With The Republicans. (Spoiler: Jeb Dies): In fact the only known survivor was the dead weasel that calls Donald Trump’s head home.

The Islamic State is facing a cash crunch in the Caliphate: Have they never heard of Kickstarter or GoFundMe??

Texas HS Football Coach Admits He Ordered Players To Hit Referee: In the coach’s defense, the referee was having a helluva game, having already thrown five touchdown passes and rushed for 175 yards.

CNN Debate Moderator Jake Tapper Once Went On A Date With Monica Lewinsky: Big deal. I once dated a woman who went after her next boyfriend with a large kitchen knife. There but for the grace of the Flying Spaghetti Monster….

Barack Obama’s British cousin is suing the Met Police for £400,000 claiming bullying colleagues made her life a misery by breaking wind at her desk: So…farting while British is now a civil offense? Gentleman, start your barristers!!

Donald Trump Actually Tries To Explain His Wall To Colbert: Judging by the results, things did NOT go well for The Donald.

Japanese pop star sued for thousands for possibly having a relationship: Because Heaven forbid they should be allowed to be human beings with actual human feelings and emotions.

Good Christian Housewives Declare War On Miss Piggy The Whore: Because nothing says “Sinful, depraved, sex-addled harlots and jezebels” like a stuffed swine wearing a pearl necklace.

Tank Abbott: I’ll Beat Ronda Rousey, Then She’ll Make Me A Sandwich: Wow, now there’s something to be proud- being an asshole AND a sexist. WIN!!

TV Network Uses Nazi Badge For Yom Kippur…How Could You Nazi This?!: If you’re trying to celebrate Yom Kippur…YER DOON IT RONG!!!!

Livingston Parish couple accused of creating bestiality pornography: And they seemed so nice….

Petition Urges Pope To Bless Metro ‘So It Actually Works’: Some things are beyond even the Pope’s control.

Listen In As New Hampshire Judges Send Poor People To Jail: Because as any REAL American will tell you, jail is always the best place for the down and out to fix their addiction to being poor.

Arizona Town Pretty Sure Jesus Never Followed The First Amendment Either: If God meant for Muslims to have rights, they would have been born Christian, knowhutimean?

Selfies Twice As Deadly As ‘Unprovoked’ Shark Attacks: And this, kids is why you should never take a selfie with a shark.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on September 25, 2015 6:13 AM.

Rick Santorum exploring new technology was the previous entry in this blog.

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