THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD
(apologies to Keith Olbermann)
Larry Solomon
Christian site's advice: Don’t look at your wife’s face during sex when she resists https://t.co/BfxzOnwyx1 pic.twitter.com/8Lq9oa7F4c
— Raw Story (@RawStory) October 26, 2015Christian website that gives advice to couples about how to live by the Bible’s “gender roles” recently advised men that they should not look at their wives’ faces during sex if she engaged in intercourse “begrudgingly.”…. In a column on the BiblicalGenderRoles.com website last week, a writer going by the name Larry Solomon argued that men “should not tolerate refusal.”…. According to the Christian columnist, women who did not like having sex with their husbands should “fake it until she makes it.”…. But Solomon noted that coercing wives into sex did not always result in an enjoyable experience for the husband…. “You also need to realize that whether your wife knows it or not she needs to have sex too,” he opined. “If you don’t have sex with your wife at regular intervals, even sometimes when she is not in the mood but consents anyway, you will open yourself to temptation.”…. Solomon said that men should think of unwilling wives like Medusa, the mythical Greek monster who could turn men to stone if they looked upon her face…. “I know you love your wife, most men love their wives. But sin is ugly,” the writer remarked. “Your beautiful bride’s face becomes ugly during this sinful time that she is grudgingly giving you sex as she grimaces wanting you to ‘just hurry up and get it over with’.”
That I don’t believe in God should hardly be surprising to anyone who’s hung around my dark, dank corner of da Interwebz for any length of time. This story is one of the things that leave me wondering why ANYONE would believe in God…unless you enjoy being part of a patriarchal cult that views women as property and uses them as such. The idea that anyone- man or woman- shouldn’t be the one and only decision-making agent for their body when it comes to sex should frankly be insulting to anyone who values the humanity and dignity of their partner. No one “belongs” to another person. A marriage- or any other long-term relationship- is not an ownership situation; there’s no “property” that defaults to the control of the person in the relationship fortunate enough to be in possession of a penis. If you believe otherwise, I hope for your sake and that of women everywhere that you’re destined to be permanently single, because you don’t deserve to share your life or your bed with a woman.
Sex is not something to be “taken,” nor is it “owed.” If not freely given, if taken by force or by coercion, what we’re talking about is rape. Despite Solomon’s Neanderthal views on sex withing marriage, rape is in fact entirely possible within the bounds of matrimony. Of course, as any REAL Christian man can tell you, the way to ensure you get that rough, physical make-up sex you’d never thought you get from your wife is to keep her in a constant state of “fear and dread.” That will allow you to control her- just as God intended.
In a column earlier this year, Solomon insisted that there was “no such thing as marital rape.” A wife, he said, could ask her husband to delay sex for a short period of time but the request “must be done humbly and respectfully, and always with the attitude in mind that her body does belong to her husband.”
Sorry, but a woman’s body doesn’t “belong” to her husband. A marriage contract doesn’t convey upon the woman an iron-clad, undeniable responsibility to “give it up” for her husband whenever he’s in the mood. Saying “I do” in no way provides a husband with ownership rights to ANY aspect of his wife. If he can’t conduct himself in a loving, respectful manner which allows his wife to feel safe in knowing that she can physically yield to her husband’s advances (or even initiate her own) when she feels so moved, then he has no business being married to her. If all he truly cares about is getting off, he can hire a prostitute…or do the dirty work himself.
Marriage may be in many aspects transactional in nature, with each partner giving something to get something in return, but the nature of a partnership such as marriage is that such exchanges should be given from a place of free will when a person feels it appropriate to do so. A wife no more “owes” husband intimacy and sex and more than a husband “owes” his wife flowers and chocolate. A successful marriage is one where both can exist in a place where they feel safe, confident, and respected. A man who decides that his wife “owes” him sex provides neither safety, confidence, nor respect to his spouse…and what kind of relationship is that? What reasonable person would believe that a healthy, stable, and loving marriage is one a wife, due to the sexual demands of her husband, “becomes ugly during this sinful time that she is grudgingly giving you sex as she grimaces wanting you to ‘just hurry up and get it over with’.”
“No such thing as marital rape?” A husband by rights can simply take from his wife what is “rightfully his” in the eyes of God? I’d submit that any man who feels he needs to force his wife to have sex needs to take a good, long look at himself and how he’s treating his life partner. If sex isn’t something shared openly and willingly, it ceases to be an intimate act and becomes one of merely physical release- “Wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am!”- a duty performed perfunctorily and devoid of joy or intimacy.
The act of marriage should be reflective of two people coming together to make a lifetime commitment based on love, respect, and common values and vision. Any marriage that degrades to the point where a husband feels justified taking sex (committing rape) from a wife who’s “grudgingly giving you sex as she grimaces wanting you to ‘just hurry up and get it over with’” is marriage in name only.
Come on, guys. We’re better than this.
