October 29, 2015 6:15 AM

This week's meeting of the Brotherhood of the Tiny Penis will please come to order....

As any of America’s gun enthusiasts will gladly tell you, the Founding Fathers specifically wrote, “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed,” with today’s world in mind. Except for the “black president” part. Nobody saw that one coming. Forward thinkers that they were, they obviously did anticipate armed drugstore runs or visits to Chipotle, Wal-Mart, airports, and even Chuck E. Cheese — in case a riot were to break out in the ball pit. So when the owner of a popular Delaware haunted house was quite adamant that nobody — including off-duty cops — pack heat while visiting his attraction, gun nuts reacted as if the amusement park operator dug up Zombie Reagan and dressed him up in a Mao jacket and let people throw poop at him as part of the Halloween hi-jinks.

It seems sometimes as if Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © spend most of their lives venting their considerable anger and Righteous Outrage at those who DARE deny them their (self-determined) God-given Absolute Right to carry any weapon anywhere for any reason. Tell them that they can’t take their guns with them, and then stand back and watch their forehead veins pop in paroxysms of angry outbursts.

HOW DARE SOMEONE DENY GOOD, GOD-FEARING, CHRISTIAN AMERICAN PATRIOTS THEIR 2ND AMENDMENT RIGHTS TO CARRY THEIR HOLY DISPENSERS OF FREEDOM AND LIBERTY WHEREVER THEY MAY CHOOSE?

Despite the fact that there is no- zero, zip, none, nada, bupkis- legal precedent to support the contention of Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © that the 2nd Amendment was handed down to the Founding Fathers by God His Own Self and therefore not subject to the puny laws and legal precedents of mere mortals, they continue to insist that THEIR interpretation is the ONLY acceptable, moral, and just definition. That their interpretation is the very definition of self-serving, inflexible, and not subject to any facts that run counter to their dominant narrative seems self-evident. It’s just that the silliness and the self-righteousness are becoming ever more difficult to stomach as ever more innocent Americans are “freedomed” to death.

Then again, you can afford to be inflexible, dogmatic, and inhuman when you’re not burying a loved one. When the death of innocents are mere abstract concepts, you can (and do) ignore the problem, eh?

A week ago an off-duty Delaware cop named Nick Roll took his son to the Frightland in Middletown, Delaware — an enormously popular East Coast attraction — and was told that he couldn’t bring his service weapon in with him. Although his hosts graciously offered to lock it up for him in lieu of him locking it away in his car, Roll demurred. He then did what all good American’s do when confronted with tyranny — he complained about it on Facebook in what is known as a “rant” that went “viral.”

Sure, Roll later took down his post, but still maintained that he wouldn’t patronize Frightland since he wouldn’t be allowed to bring his binkie gun into the park with him. As you might imagine, his fellow Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © were not amused by Frightland’s policy of trampling on the rights and freedoms of REAL AMERICAN PATRIOTS who want nothing more than to be able to protect themselves and their loved ones.

Despite the fact that Frightland has for years donated a portion of all tickets sold and 100 percent of the parking fees to the Leukemia Research Foundation of Delaware, gun nuts were outraged (and, seriously, when are they not?) and they vowed to stand up for freedom and the Constitution and more freedom.

Unlike the Founding Fathers they did not take up arms against their amusement park oppressors. Instead, they went on Frightland’s Facebook page and “ranted” about boycotting the park — cancer contributions be damned.

Yep, Hell knows no fury like that generated by Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © who discover a nefarious anti-American plot to deny good, God-fearing patriots their Divine Right to openly carry anything they choose wherever and whenever they so desire. Firepower: It’s what God gives you when you’re good gave us to ensure that Americans live in a constant state of abject fear and trigger-happy paranoia.

Hey, Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes ©, here’s a news flash: NO ONE’S GONNA TAKE YER GUNZ (though I’d like to…and I’d most certainly start with yours)!!! Even those of us for whom taking guns wouldn’t present a problem recognize that firepower is as much a part of American life as fatal traffic accidents, Fourth Meal, and Darwin Awards.

It is reasonable to believe that people who live in such constant mortal fear of being attacked that they can’t go out to get the newspaper in the driveway without dashing for the cover of the agapanthus first, would have no need of a haunted house to get their heart racing. Going to Frightland seems like overkill… in a manner of speaking.

On the other hand, making a big show of saying you are boycotting the cancer-fundraising haunted house — particularly when you live on the other side of the country and couldn’t find Delaware on a state map of Delaware — over guns is kind of lame.

As they like to say: The only thing that stop a cure for a bad disease is a good guy with a gun acting like a dick.

Then again, the strategy and tactics employed by Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © have certainly worked in their favor. The apoplexy and seemingly never-ending fount of Righteous Outrage displayed by Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © have succeeded in choking off virtually any hope of having a rational discussion of common sense gun control OR addressing this country’s gun violence epidemic.

Or, as seems more reflective of our current reality, the only thing that will stop rational discussion about common sense gun control are screaming, irrational ninnies convinced that the solution to any and all of our problems is MOR GUNZZ!!! Firepower uber Alles!!

Hey, as long as you’re not burying one of your own, right??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on October 29, 2015 6:15 AM.

Technology existed before we know we needed technology was the previous entry in this blog.

Ah...so that's what they mean by "lusting for righteousness" (I am SO going to Hell for this) is the next entry in this blog.

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