Like everything connected to Christmas, this year’s “War on Christmas” freakout has arrived early. And it has taken the form of a red Starbucks cup.Never mind that stores across America are already playing Christmas carols. Forget that Wal-Mart started its holiday layaway plan in August, and Target rolled out the Christmas trees alongside Halloween decorations in September. And let’s pretend that radio stations across the country aren’t getting angry calls about Mariah Carey’s Christmas list hitting the airwaves the first week of October. Nope. The Christmas crusaders are certain that the War on Christmas is on yet again. It’s totally obvious because Starbucks is serving pumpkin spice lattes and caramel macchiatos in plain red cups this holiday season. (Oops. Did I say “holiday”?)…. So without pictures of snowmen or a nutcracker or wreaths, Starbucks must hate Jesus, and some evangelical Christians joined in an online assault on the coffee goliath this week. The devout went wild. One after another, folks declared on Facebook and other social media that they’ve had their last nonfat vanilla latte.
Here we are, barely into mid-November, and already the Right-wing faux-outrage generator is operating at what feels like full capacity…though whenever it seems there’s simply no more room for outrage, the capacity to produce it grows exponentially. The latest object of the Rabid Religious Right’s persecution fantasies is…wait for it…Starbucks red holiday coffee cups. Really. It doesn’t get much more self-righteous, stupid, and overcooked than this.
So outraged at Starbucks’ clear and undeniable dissing of the baby Jesus are the truly righteous and Godly that one pastor urged his flock to tell baristas that their name is “Merry Christmas,” so that they’d have to write it on their cups. I’m presuming he does his Christmas shopping at Hobby Lobby and only eats out at Chick-Fil-A, right?
Yeah, about that…if the veins in your forehead are fixin’ to burst because Starbucks is using red cups not emblazoned with “Merry Christmas!” for the holiday season, yet you ignore homelessness, hunger, inadequate mental health care, and so many other social ills, you’re not a Christian. There’s a credible argument to be made that you’re a sociopath. If you fall into line with groupthink that goes something like, “Starbucks REMOVED CHRISTMAS from their cups because they hate Jesus,” I’d submit that you might want to send a search party out in pursuit of your lost humanity.
Yes, I understand that this sort of thing appeals to rage-addicted, dogmatic, authoritarian types whose God is an angry, vindictive, spiteful son of a bitch. I realize most true Christians wouldn’t care if Starbucks put out black cups for the holidays; they’ve got other (REAL and impactful) issues to concern themselves with. They’re busy trying to live their faith instead of feeding the ever-expanding addiction to pointless self-righteous outrage.
Bristol Palin, the Wise Sage of Wasilla and Brave Defender of abstinence before marriage (please pay no attention to the two children she’s had out of wedlock), has opined that the “red cup” controversy is a clever ploy by “the left” to make Christians look stupid. Yeah, about that…no one in this situation needs any help looking stupid; they’re going above and beyond the call of duty free of outside assistance. Lack of self-awareness alert: Bristol Palin talking about stupid is like Michael Savage holding forth on the joys of peace and tranquility.
If Rednecks baptize their #RedCups, then they'll win the #WarOnChristmas. pic.twitter.com/hGtvCYR8yL
— Very Serious People™ (@TheXclass) November 10, 2015The truth is that those volubly and forcefully decrying Starbucks’ hatred of the baby Jesus constitute a VERY small- though exceedingly loud, noxious, and distressingly self-righteous- minority.
Many actual Christians- you know, the one who actually try to live Christ-like lives- have responded to the ridiculousness with their own retort, saying in effect that a boycott is silly and only makes those agitating for action look bad.
As if the righteous culture warriors need any help at all in that department, amiright??
If you're looking for validation of your faith via a coffee cup, what does that say about your faith? #foodforthought #redcups
— Brandan Robertson (@BrandanJR) November 8, 2015Most Christians want nothing to do with casting their lot with self-absorbed, outrage-addicted “Christians” whose theological Prime Directive is fighting the culture wars. When Christian groups decide to boycott businesses who don’t fall into line with their narrow moral agenda, the response has historically been underwhelming. Businesses go on about their business, consumers continue to merrily consume, and the zealots calling for a boycott end up being the butt of jokes from late-night comedians. The American Family Association releases a yearly “Naughty or Nice” list to help good, God-fearing patriots know which godless Liberal purveyors of filth to boycott, but there’s no evidence available that shows the list has had any appreciable impact on consumer behavior.
The faux outrage surrounding Starbucks’ red cups is just that- fake, insincere, self-interested, and built to stay that way. Right-wing media outlets like
When you get right down to it, if there’s any resembling a “War on Christmas” being waged, it’s being conducted by Christians, not the secular humanist Left…or whatever (they deem to be a) pejorative they’re referring to us by these days. Real Christians understand that the reason for the season isn’t to reduce Christmas to a series of ridiculous ideological/theological loyalty tests that companies, being secular in nature, will almost inevitably fail.
I LOVE America. It’s just that Americans can at times be deeply, truly, painfully stupid and manipulable.
