December 21, 2015 7:05 AM

Acceptance, compassion, and inclusion aren't signs of weakness or sinfulness

[P]arents cried as they spoke about what was happening in the town’s lone high school. Mothers said they feared boys would pretend to be transgender to spy on their daughters. One man said he pulled his son from Yoder’s PE class. Others said they were praying board members would change their minds….. “It’s something that’s going through our society, but giving one person that comfort, giving the one person the ability to feel they are accepted in that space can ostracize the rest of the students who have to use the same facilities,” said parent Tony Sutton…. “I ask that you respect the families in this district that hold deep religious values or beliefs that undressing in front of the opposite sex is sacred,” [Kris] Golly said. She urged the district to hire someone to evaluate those “claiming to be transgender.”

I’ll freely admit to being somewhat at sea when it comes to understanding the landscape of the brave new world that is gender identity today. I grew up in a black and white world; there were two options: If you had a penis, you were a boy. If you had a vagina you were a girl. Not that people didn’t struggle back in the day about not identifying with the gender they were born into, but few recognized the problem and even fewer talking about it. Now the word “transgender” is a word frequently heard today. After generations of misunderstanding and persecution, those who identify as transgender are finally realizing increasing acceptance and compassion.

Of course, this brave new world is not being birthed without the occasional problem. There are still too many- ignorant, frightened, homophobic, hyper-religious, insensitive and/or all or some of the above. Fear is a powerful emotion, and when it’s motivated by ignorance, prejudice, and a lack of compassion, it can be downright dangerous.

Dallas, Oregon is a nondescript small town of 15,000, just west of Salem and a little over an hour’s drive south of Portland. As might be expected with small towns in general, it leans Conservative and social change comes late and with great difficulty. So it is with 14-year-old Elliot Yoder, who four months ago told his mother that he identified as a boy, not the girl she’d given birth to and raised. Now the Dallas School District is wrestling with the question of which restrooms and locker room Elliot will be allowed to use. It’s a quandary that’s bringing out the ignorance and fear in many adults…and it’s not exactly covering the good, God-fearing patriots of Dallas in glory.

Interestingly enough, Elliot’s mother accepted the challenge of changing how she thought about and related to her progeny. She took Elliot clothes shopping and has evidently decided that she will love her child, and that which gender Elliot identifies as is his choice…and hers to support. Good on her.

That’s more than can be said for a good many of the fine folks of Dallas, some of whom are proving to be adults in name only and only too willing to allow their fear, ignorance, and prejudice free reign.

“Let’s just go right down in our heart and answer this,” said Gary Suderman, a local businessman who has lived in Dallas since the 1950s. “What do I think is right and wrong? Anyone here that is conflicted about this needs to see a professional.”

Several mothers told the board they worried their sons would be accused of sexual assault if transgender boys shared their locker room.

“I’m not saying this child is going to do it, but once you open that door, you’re opening up so many lives to be ruined in the future,” Carmen Halcom said. “I’m not willing to jeopardize my son’s future at being a dad, at being a coach.”

Another woman stood to read a letter from Micky Garus, a Dallas City Councilor who said in November he would “issue an ass whooping” to any transgender student using the locker or bathroom matching their gender identity rather than their anatomy.

Nice example we’re setting for our children, eh?

I like the school board’s approach. Sending the letter home with students and making it clear the decision to allow Elliot to use the boys locker room and restrooms was the correct decision. It’s right based on the law, and it’s proper because it’s simply the right thing to do. The truth is that transgender people walk among us…and we could all benefit by metaphorically walking a mile in their shoes. I may not understand what being transgender is all about, but I do know that it’s a difficult thing under the best of circumstances. Having to deal with the ignorance and prejudice of those who don’t understand, refuse to understand, and are quick to judge certainly don’t make the process any easier.

In a perfect world, a school district would try to be inclusive and involve all viewpoints in the decision-making process. Given the homophobia and transphobia that’s a dominant theme in too many small towns, it’s not always possible or even desirable to do that. Sometimes the only way to effect change and bring people kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

Change is going to happen. Transgender people deserve to be full partners in American life, and we shouldn’t be treating those who default to hatred, fear, and prejudice as if their beliefs should be allowed to slow progress. Discrimination, the idea that my moral framework and worldview is superior, should in no way be allowed to factor into how social change is effected. Not that people who would discriminate should be willfully excluded, but it should be made clear that they are not going to be able to stop what they fear. They should be given an opportunity: “This is going to happen. We want to create a process that’s inclusive and allows all members of the population to express themselves, but we are going to accommodate those who identify as transgender. You can either get on board or be passed by. Your choice.”

A 14-year-old with the wherewithal to recognize that they don’t identify as the gender they were born into should be supported. Being a teenager is difficult enough without simultaneously having to negotiate gender identity issues. Elliot Yoder has the same rights as any other students; his gender is but one part of who he is. Doesn’t it make more sense to embrace and support him and allow him to be the person he’s growing into than to exclude him out of fear and ignorance? His mother has; the responsibility of the rest of the community is to get on board and support her son.

The unfounded fears- some distressingly ignorant and ridiculous- expressed at the school board meeting need to be addressed, to be certain…but they shouldn’t be allowed to carry the day. If the adults of Dallas can’t see their way clear to stepping into the 21st century, then dragging them kicking and screaming may well be the only remaining option.

Perhaps someday we’ll learn to accept people for who they are instead of allowing ignorance- and fear-driven qualifiers to be used to drive wedges between us. Elliot Yoder is a 14-year-old transgender who was born female but identifies as male. His sexuality is but one small part of the totality of who he is. We cannot allow fear and ignorance to create policies that allows for Elliot and people like him being treated as “less than”- because they’re not.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 21, 2015 7:05 AM.

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