The NRA has suggested that putting guns into the hands of children is a good idea by publishing “Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun)” — a modified fairytale that depicts an armed Red and her armed grandmother successfully defending themselves against the Big Bad Wolf. The NRA Family site notes that the story, published last week, is just the first in a series of reimagined fairytales by author Amelia Hamilton, and promises that there are more revamped, gun-heavy classics to come. Curiously, the Big Bad Wolf himself — who is obviously a career criminal, if you’re to believe fairytale canon — is not armed in this version of the tale. In the new version, Granny has plenty of time to slowly back up and grab her shotgun, but the NRA doesn’t explore what would happen if the Big Bad Wolf showed up at the door wielding a firearm himself.
Big Tobacco and the alcohol industry have long targeted children in an effort to ensure they have customers now and into the future. Much of the advertising directed at children is as shameless as it dangerous…but when your prime directive elevates the bottom line over the health and safety of human beings, it’s what you do. There’s ample research demonstrating that if you can hook a child early, the odds are good that you’ll have a customer for life…or as long as the life you’re helping to cut short lasts. Despite laws in some states designed to protect children, tobacco and alcohol marketers are adept at skirting laws and staying one step ahead of lawyers and legislators. It’s all about market penetration, people.
Now the National Rifle Association (NRA) is more aggressively pursuing their own “hook ‘em early” strategy by reimagining fairy tales with significantly greater amounts of firepower than the originals. It’s every bit as pathetic, dangerous, and dismissive of the dangers of gun violence as one might expect from the chief mouthpiece and apologist for the gun industry. After all, if they can define the mass murder of children as merely the price of freedom, retooling a fairy tale into gun-friendly propaganda would seem to be (pardon the pun) child’s play.
And to think that once upon a time, the NRA was founded as a gun safety organization. I suppose we all change, evolve, and eventually sell our souls to the Devil, no?
Rather than launch myself on another rant about the evil, inhuman intent and methods of the NRA and the Proudly Closed-minded Gun Control Foes © they represent, I thought I’d let the good people some know as the Twitterati address this through the #NRAFairyTales hashtag. Because nothing says “you’re ridiculous, heartless, and irresponsible” than people on Twitter when they’re spun up. Enjoy the rich, creamy goodness after the jump.
The other ducks made fun of him and called him ugly. So, he brought a gun to the pond and no one called him ugly again. #NRAFairyTales
— Corey Rayburn Yung (@CoreyRYung) January 16, 2016
Jack & Jill went up hill. Jack fell down & dropped his gun. Gun discharged. That was the end of Jill. #NRAFairyTales
— SarahFMcD (@SarahFMcD) January 15, 2016
#NRAFairyTales: Jack trades the cow for a shotgun. Unintentionally shoots his mother trying to clean it.
— Melissa Duclos (@MelissaDuclos) January 15, 2016
"Papa Bear, someone's been sleeping in my bed … and she's still in it!" KERBLAM. No more Goldilocks. #NRAFairyTales
— Wendy S. (@WendySzy) January 15, 2016
The Blue Fairy grants Pinocchio his wish to become a real boy after the touching song "When You Wish Upon A Glock" #NRAFairyTales
— A 99er (@HelpThe99ers) January 17, 2016
Grasshopper: Please help me! Winter is here and I didn't save enough food.
Ant: (Pulls out his Glock) Keep walking, taker.
#NRAFairyTales
— Scott Gordon (@ScottPGordon) January 17, 2016
Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
Eating Xmas pie
He put in his thumb
And pulled out a gun
and said what a dead boy am I. #NRAfairyTales
— Les Kern (@leskerniii) January 17, 2016
Beauty recoiled in horror when she saw his face. She pulled a snub-nosed .38 from her dress and the Beast was no more. #NRAFairyTales
— Scott Gordon (@ScottPGordon) January 17, 2016
#NRAFairyTales Shrek is shot by villagers. No pitchforks, torches or clubs. MR-15. "We wanted his land… I mean, he looked threatening."
— Kenneth Scruggs (@outofworkhero) January 17, 2016
#NRAFairyTales the pied piper was going to woo them with his song but the gun let them know he meant business.
— What's Happening (@HD_EGG) January 17, 2016
#NRAFairyTales Wolf blows down 1st pig's house. 1st pig runs for help to 2nd pig. 2nd pig fires through the door when he hears the knock.
— Kenneth Scruggs (@outofworkhero) January 17, 2016
Witch shoots Hansel and Gretel for vandalizing her house; jury acquits, citing castle doctrine. #NRAFairyTales
— Roger Moore (@VATVSLPR) January 14, 2016
The only thing stopping a wicked witch with a spell is a good prince with a gun #NRAFairyTales https://t.co/B9RuWNL1Qm
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 14, 2016
In the next installment of #NRAFairyTales, things getting heated in the parking lot after Hare pulls out his .45 https://t.co/h3qaDmeNZV
— Timothy Johnson (@timothywjohnson) January 14, 2016
The Emperor isn't wearing any clothes… except for his gun holster #NRAFairyTales https://t.co/B9RuWNL1Qm
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 14, 2016
grows guns for legs; and Rumpelstiltskin has the miller’s daughter spin an AR-47 out of the gold Glenn Beck hoarded. #NRAFairyTales
— Vizual Madman (@aka_ajp) January 14, 2016
Cinderella loses her slipper. While the Prince searches, jackbooted thugs take over the capitol. More #NRAFairyTales: http://t.co/ipFUltLi3y
— Sam Weiner (@sam_weiner) March 4, 2015
"Puss in Holsters" #NRAFairyTales
— Bible Belt Logic (@BibleBeltLogic) January 31, 2013