Yall Qaeda bravely goes where no militia has gone before: A wildlife sanctuary

A group of around a dozen armed men have taken over a remote federal building on a wildlife reserve in Oregon as part of a protest against government “tyranny”, demanding that the land be handed over to local ranchers. Despite the fact that a few of the actors have carried out similar actions over land use before, they appear not to have planned this stand-off in the snowy, desolate area very well. The group have vowed to stay in the building “as long as it takes” and have said they are not afraid to kill or be killed if law enforcement tries to remove them. The internet has been quick to deride the group as ‘Y’all Qaeda’, pointing out their actions bear the hallmarks of domestic terrorism, although many media sources aren’t calling it that[.]

Though the “YallQaeda” faction of The Brotherhood of the Tiny Penis © currently waging “YeeHawd” in a wildlife sanctuary in remote southeastern Oregon see themselves as warriors for freedumb freedom and liberty and have a decidedly military view of their cause, the reality is anything but. These soft, doughy, wannabe warriors, who are to military training what donuts are to weight loss, likely couldn’t fight their way our of a day care center if they were attacked by the children.

Once upon a time, I was an Army Reserve officer, so I have at least a passing familiarity with the sort of planning required to launch any sort of military operation. I’m here to tell you that the old saw, “An army runs on its stomach” is absolutely true. Rule #1 is that you never plan ANY sort of military operation without the quartermaster has arranged for adequate provisions: especially food and water. Turns out the yokels who planned the quasi-military “operation” forgot to bring enough food…and so the plea has gone out for sympathizers to send snacks to the brave, selfless defenders of freedumb freedom.

The denouement of this silly saga remains to be determined, but the one success they’ll enjoy will be in providing endless material to the Internet and late-night comedians. At a time when many are growing tired of making jokes about Donald Trump, The Brotherhood of the Tiny Penis © has been kind enough to create a diversion. The feds and local law enforcement could respond, but why waste scarce resources of a motley collection of wannabe freedumb freedom fighters who couldn’t even remember to bring food? They’ll probably have to leave before long so they can cash their government checks, anyway.

Here are a couple of pro tips for those who’d wish to be a thorn in the side of Big Government:

1. It might be a good idea to invade something of more strategic value that a wildlife sanctuary in the middle of nowhere, and

2. ALWAYS remember to bring enough food and water. Pizza Hut doesn’t deliver to the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

You’re welcome.