Isn’t it creepy when your husband/boyfriend leaves the room for a second, and then a stranger with a mask over his eyes enters it right after, and you’re like, “Whoa! Who are you and what have you done with my husband/boyfriend?!” Because everyone knows that disguises that only cover half your face can fool loved ones into thinking you’re a total stranger, Ashley Madison is offering users new tools to keep their identities secret. For users who are feeling “shy” or just don’t want to get caught using the site for cheaters — say, if the company suffers another massive hack attack that leaks their identities — Ashley Madison has some solutions to keep their profiles discreet, reports CNNMoney. Because profile photos are a good idea for attracting suitors on any dating site, Ashley Madison is offering the option of a brown or black mask that can be slapped on a profile photo; four levels of photo blurring (for those who can’t use Photoshop themselves); and a black bar that can be placed over a user’s eyes in a photo.
OK, so you’ve decided you need a little strange on the side- not something I’d be inclined to do…but who am I to judge? Given Ashley Madison’s track record of safeguarding user privacy, you might want to reconsider them as a safe, secure source for potential assignations. Then again, if you’re expecting privacy on the Internet, I have a TRS-80 I’d love to sell you.
So let’s say you’re online looking for a little no-strings-attached nookie (Good luck with that, BTW)…and you’d like for your potential matches to be able to see what you look like without someone recognizing you and alerting your spouse/significant other. Hmm…how to hide one’s identity without hiding just how devilishly handsomely and alluring you truly are? Leave it to the fine enablers of all manner of infidelity at Ashley Madison to come up with a solution tailor-made for philanderers who don’t want to be busted by friends or family, eh?
It’s INGENIOUS!
“We respect your need for discretion so we’ve added some tools to keep your identity a secret,” reads a special box on Ashley Madison’s new profile page. “Upload a new photo and you will have the option to crop it and add a mask!”
What, no Clark Kent glasses?
At the time Ashley Madison it was hacked, the company promised members it would beef up security protocols. It’s unclear whether this is intended to be an actual extra layer of security or someone has been watching too many romantic comedies involving masquerade balls and mixed up identities.
If this feature actually is seriously intended as extra layer of security, I’d be seriously rethinking the wisdom of investing my money, time, and reputation in an endeavor that seems quite unclear on the concept of “protecting privacy.” Then again, if you have no problem with posting your profile and a (masked, TOTALLY anonymous) picture, you’re probably pretty OK with taking the risk that someone might potentially extort you.
In other words, you probably shouldn’t be trusted with internet access of any sort, knowhutimean?? Of course, you’re probably the sort of person who thinks chicks DIG a man wearing a mask that makes him look a reject from tryouts for the role of Bruce Wayne’s sidekick.
All things considered, you might be better off going back to leaving your wedding ring in your hotel room hanging out at bars on business trips…’cuz you clearly don’t have enough on the ball to be trusted to be discreet online.
