Trans people don’t mind being called trans women or trans men. After surgery many prefer “woman or man of trans experience.” Others don’t want to be called trans post op, but that’s usually older people. Trans women should never be called trannies or shemales as these are derogatory terms. Young people have started a movement of stating their preferred pronouns. A college student came to church this week and wrote his name and “he him” on his name tag. When in doubt, it is ok to ask a person’s preferred pronoun.
The above was one of the comments from a recent Facebook post of mine. It began with the commenter offering that ‘Trans people do not like to be called “transgenders.”’
I thought about this for a moment…and realized that this represented a teachable moment for me, and so I replied: ‘This only displays how little I truly understand the issues behind gender identity. What would they prefer to be called?’ It’s true; as open-minded as I try to be, I have to admit that in no way can I say that I understand many- perhaps even most- of the issues surrounding gender identity. In my experience, it’s a binary choice determined at birth- you were born with a penis (making you a boy) or a vagina (which makes you a girl). Simple, eh?
Except that the issue of gender identity is anything but simple and straightforward to many of my fellow bipeds. What I’ve always viewed as a binary, either/or choice is for many a spectrum, and where one stakes their claim on that spectrum is very often a fluid, fungible determination. No longer is it merely and simply “he” or “she;” pronouns are important to trans people, because they already know they don’t fit within conventional socially accepted “norms.”
From where I sit, it’s a simple matter of respecting an individual and the choice(s) they make. I don’t have to understand- and I will freely admit to being somewhat adrift when it comes to this brave new world- but there’s no requirement I do. What I feel obligated to do is to accept a person for who they are and how they define themselves. That’s a personal choice made for very personal reasons, and it’s not my place to cast aspersions or pass judgment based on my own moral/ideological/theological framework.
I may not fully understand much about the realities of gender identity, but I want to learn enough to be able to treat those who claim a place on the spectrum with the respect and dignity they deserve. Even if we choose not to make the effort to understand, it’s not too much to ask that we accept those whose choices and/or identity may differ from what we’re able to process. It’s not about our narrow prejudice; it’s about allowing people to be who they are. If we can’t see our way clear to doing that, I think it says far more about us and our shortcomings than it ever could about the trans people we encounter.
