MY NEW HERO
Utah Lt. Governor Spencer Cox (R)
I grew up in a small town and went to a small rural high school. There were some kids in my class that were different. Sometimes I wasn’t kind to them. I didn’t know it at the time, but I know now that they were gay. I will forever regret not treating them with the kindness, dignity and respect — the love — that they deserved. For that, I sincerely and humbly apologize. Over the intervening years, my heart has changed. It has changed because of you. It has changed because I have gotten to know many of you. You have been patient with me. You helped me learn the right letters of the alphabet in the right order even though you keep adding new ones. You have been kind to me. Jim Dabakis even told me I dressed nice once, even though I know he was lying. You have treated me with the kindness, dignity, and respect — the love — that I very often did NOT deserve. And it has made me love you.
It seems like I write a lot about Republicans intent on forcing all of us to live under their narrow, self-interested, often hyper-religious diktat. To be certain, there’s no shortage of Right-wingers intent on pursuing exactly that goal. What we less often hear about are those Republicans who reveal themselves to have a functional streak of decency and humanity, and are able to evolve enough to recognize and honor the diversity of humanity. Lt. Gov. Cox is, as he put it, “a balding, youngish, middle-aged straight, white, male, Republican.” He’s exactly the sort of Conservative you’d expect to be working overtime to provide his moral/ideological/theological framework with the force of law, the better to force it on others.
Despite his background as a dyed-in-the-wool, intolerant Conservative Republican, Cox has found it within himself to recognize the LGBT community not as caricatures- representatives of an evil, sinful, licentious lifestyle disrespectful of God’s laws- but as human beings. During a speech given at a vigil for the victims of the Orlando massacre, Cox spoke of how coming to know people in the LGBT community as humans with their own struggles, dreams, and heartaches had changed him. His words are those of someone who’s lived on the side of hatred and exclusion and has come to understand how hurtful his words and actions may have been.
I believe that there is a question, two questions actually, that each of us needs to ask ourselves in our heart of hearts. And I am speaking now to the straight community. How did you feel when you heard that 49 people had been gunned down by a self-proclaimed terrorist? That’s the easy question. Here is the hard one: Did that feeling change when you found out the shooting was at a gay bar at 2 a.m. in the morning? If that feeling changed, then we are doing something wrong.
So now we find ourselves at a crossroads. A crossroads of hate and terror. How do we respond? How do you respond? Do we lash out with anger, hate and mistrust. Or do we, as Lincoln begged, appeal to the “better angels of our nature?”
Anyone who can find it within their heart to react with kindness and compassion deserves to be commended, regardless of where their own personal journey may have taken them. We’re all capable of making mistakes, being hurtful, and disrespecting those we may find ourselves unable or unwilling to understand. It takes courage to recognize the corrosiveness of living with hatred and hostility and then use that knowledge to chart a different course. Lt. Gov. Cox is one person, one Conservative Republican, who’s recognized that a person’s humanity transcends all other artificial qualifiers that can be used to divide us one from another.
I normally don’t copy and paste large sections of articles or speeches, but Cox’s eloquence and compassion impressed me in a way few speeches have. I can think of no better way to address the depths of his conviction than present his sentiments in his own words:
Usually when tragedy occurs, we see our nation come together. I was saddened, yesterday to see far too many retreating to their over-worn policy corners and demagoguery. Let me be clear, there are no simple policy answers to this tragedy. Beware of anyone who tells you that they have the easy solution. It doesn’t exist. And I can assure you this — that calling people idiots, communists, fascists or bigots on Facebook is not going to change any hearts or minds. Today we need fewer Republicans and fewer Democrats. Today we need more Americans.
But just because an easy solution doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. The greatest generations in the history of the world were never innately great. They became great because of how they responded in the face of evil. Their humanity is measured by their response to hate and terror.
I truly believe that this is the defining issue of our generation. Can we be brave? Can we be strong? Can we be kind and, perhaps, even happy, in the face of atrocious acts of hate and terrorism? Do we find a way to unite? Or do these atrocities further corrode and divide our torn nation? Can we, the citizens of the great state of Utah, lead the nation with love in the face of adversity? Can WE become a greatest generation?
I promise we can. But I also promise it will never happen if we leave it to the politicians. Ultimately, there is only one way for us to come together. It must happen at a personal level. We must learn to truly love one another.
In the end, it shouldn’t matter who or how we love; it should only matter that we DO love, that we can find it within ourselves to model kindness and compassion. I admire Cox for his willingness to recognize that hatred and bigotry aren’t a solution to a larger problem. Belittling other and deeming them “less than” because they think, believe, live, and/or love differently isn’t a Christian response. The Jesus Christ Conservative Christians worship preached love, tolerance, acceptance, and exclusion. Somehow, though, those teachings seldom seem to be taken at face value by Christian culture warriors who seem far more comfortable with condemning another human being than embracing them.
Spencer Cox has come to see the LGBT community for what they are- people who, like him, are trying to make their in this world in a way that feels authentic and genuine. He’s recognized that you don’t have to agree with the life choices of another in order to love them, nor do you necessarily have to understand the way they were born. All that’s needed to love someone is to accept them for who they are; the rest is just details.
I realize that Cox’ revelation makes him a pronounced minority on the Far Right. Still, you can’t build a wall without laying down the first brick. Perhaps in time, more of those on his side of the moral/ideological/theological divide will come around to need to contribute their own bricks.
