Today on "Great Moments in People Unclear on the Concept": Heterosexual Pride Day

With Donald Trump in the running to be the next U.S. president, the U.K. voting to leave the EU, and someone making the game Tetris into three feature-length movies, the fact that #HeterosexualPrideDay is trending on Twitter seems like just more proof the apocalypse is near. The insensitive hashtag’s presence on Twitter after the mass shooting at a queer nightclub in Orlando, Florida, on June 12 which left 49 dead and dozens more injured has received mixed reactions from Twitter users.

So where’s a self-respecting straight White person to go for affirmation? It seems like every minority group has their own thing- Black Lives Matter, Black History Month, BET, Gay Pride celebrations, the Green Bay Packers- so why shouldn’t we members of the White heterosexual majority be able to celebrate our numerical and moral superiority…amiright??

If you’re White and heterosexual and you- for reasons having no basis whatsoever in reality- consider yourself part of an oppressed majority, then sure, go ahead and celebrate, Cupcake. Feel free to ignore the reality that you’re a member of a demographic that’s ruled America as its personal property since Day One…and that as a member of that majority, you and/or your forebears have likely suffered exactly ZERO repression. Not that the truth will in any way stem the collective butthurt emanating from certain members of the Master Race, of course. Good, God-fearing straight White folks often don’t come equipped with an empathy bone as standard equipment.

What? I suppose you think it’s easy being a member of the oppressing class??