Thanks to Larry Simon for providing this morning's chuckle. No, you just can't make this stuff up....
As if crushing poverty, political instability, and an economy the size of a lunch box weren't big enough problems, Turkmenistan's President has steeled himself to deal with his country's real problem. That's right, Saparmurat Niyazov has decided to rename the ages of man. No joke.
ASHGABAT, Turkmenistan, (Reuters) -- Turkmenistan's President Saparmurat Niyazov, who last week renamed the month of January after himself, has decreed a new system for dividing up the ages of his people.
Niyazov -- officially known as Turkmenbashi (Head of all the Turkmen), but more usually as Turkmenbashi the Great -- was quoted as saying on the official website, Turkmenistan.ru: "We will return to our roots.
"Our ancestors had a clearer and more reasoned division of the ages of man...childhood lasted to 13, adolescence to 25, youth to 37, maturity to 49.
"Later there followed: the age of the prophet, from 49 to 62; the age of inspiration, from 62 to 73; the age of the white-bearded elder, from 73 to 85; old age, from 85 to 97; and the age of Oguz Khan (an ancient ruler of the Turkic ancestors of the Turkmen) -- from 97 to 109."
This is not Niyazov's first attempt at redefining the Turkmen calendar.
Last week he also proposed renaming all the months of the year, a move which was quickly agreed. January is now "Turkmenbashi," while April is "Mother" after Niyazov's mother.
Other months have such names as "The Flag," "Independence," and "Rukhnama," the title of a quasi-religious spiritual guide for the Turkmen people, written by Turkmenbashi the Great and compulsory reading in schools and for conscripts.
At first blush, this all seems rather silly, and in fact it really is. If you want your lunchbox-sized economy to become part of the global economy, why would you institute wholesale changes that will render your calendar indecipherable to the rest of the world?
Of course, if I were to take a cue from Niyazov, I would require y'all to begin referring to me as "The-Wise-And-Benevolent-Leader-Who-May-Have-Been-Dropped-On-His-Head-At-Birth-But-Still-Doesn't-Need-A-Drool-Bucket". The press would be required to refer to me as "TWABLWMHBDOHHABBSDNADB" (capitalization mandatory).
Susan, you can just call me Jack.
