Tuaolo says he contemplated suicide
It's been an open question for years that no one has wanted to address- what would happen to an NFL player were he to admit to being gay? For Esera Tuaolo, that nightmare almost came true.
Tuaolo, who played for five NFL teams, said a major reason for his early retirement in 1999 was the difficulty and frustration that came with keeping his sexual orientation a secret.
"They didn't know who Esera Tuaolo is," he said in the interview with HBO. "What they saw was an actor."
Tuaolo, 34, said players routinely told gay jokes in the locker room.
"They made me go further and further into depression, further and further into shame," he said.
In a transcript and tape of the HBO show obtained by The New York Post, Tuaolo discusses the depth of his depression, saying it reached a point to where he thought about suicide.
"When I'm driving like over a 100 (mph), maybe I could just like turn that wheel, just turn that wheel so I could just end it all," Tuaolo said in the interview.
Tuaolo, a native of Hawaii, played at Oregon State before being drafted by the Green Bay Packers in 1991 (35th pick overall). He also played for the Panthers, Vikings and Jaguars, and for the Falcons, the team he was with in Super Bowl XXXIII.
The "Real Sports" segment also features ESPN's Sterling Sharpe, a former teammate of Tuaolo's with the Packers.
When Sharpe was asked what would have happened if Tuaolo came out while he was still playing in the NFL, Sharpe said: "He would have been eaten alive and he would have been hated for it."
You know, homosexuality isn't a lifestyle I would choose for myself, nor do I necessarily condone it. What I DO believe is that, in this (nominally) free society, each of us has the right to live our lives as we see fit. Of course, some venues are less free than others, I suppose. The NFL is Exhibit A. I imagine that when your career choice is ruled by the law of the jungle- kill or be killed- thoughtful contemplation of moral relativism is a bit much to hope for.
Each of us are so much more than our sexuality. Tuaolo and his partner are parents to two adopted children. Tuaolo is also a talented singer. He's a former football player who happens to be gay. It's sad that whenever his name comes up, for most people it will be "Oh, he's the gay football player, isn't he?" Somehow, I would have hoped that we as a society would have moved beyond that. I know; call me an idealist, but I'd still hoped for more....
