WJHC: US stuns Canada to win gold
News item: the US national junior hockey defeated Canada 4-3 in Helsinki, Finland to win the World Junior Championships. Across Canada, people set themselves ablaze, threw themselves off bridges, and committed ritual suicide en masse.
Across the US, the historic victory was greeted with a resounding "What's hockey??" as Americans barely roused themselves from their Oklahoma-LSU highlights on SportsCenter.
