All of this begs the question: Is it safe to be addicted to Diet Coke?
We have no idea. All we know is it tastes great with heroin.
Not being a Christian, I'm not particularly disposed to given anything up for Lent. Eric and Susan will do this every year, and every year I silently giggle at the results. This year has been no different, because Susan has chosen to give up Diet Coke (Wow; I guess it really IS all about suffering, eh??). Imagine Mother Teresa giving up attending to the poor and downtrodden or Tiger Woods giving up using his driver off the tee and you might be close to understanding the significance of this sacrifice. The only thing that might present more of a challenge would be giving up sex- but, hey, then I'D be suffering also, and I don't do suffering well at all.
"Addiction" is such a dirty word, but to say that Susan drinks Diet Coke for the taste is like saying your teenage son reads Playboy for the Pulitzer Prize-caliber writing. It's about the caffeine, stupid, and nothing but the caffeine. Hey, I'm hardly one to cast aspersions. After all, I'm the one who goes through a pot of coffee first thing in the morning as I'm writing. (Speaking of which, my cup is empty; hold on....)
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Ah, much better.... Now, where was I?? Oh, yes, my darling wife's Diet Coke, uh, "habit"....
Adam, Eric, and Susan all worship at the foot of Coca-Cola products. Uttering the word "Pepsi" in this house is usually greeted with the same derision reserved for phrases like "child molester" or "Republican President". Were I to do it enough, I might well come home from work one night to find the locks on the house changed. They would sooner drink curdled yak's milk than anything that has the word "Pepsi" on the label. I'd be willing to hazard a guess that none of them could even tell the difference in a blind taste test, but I see no reason to upset the apple cart.
Things could be worse, I suppose. I could be living with a closet alcoholic. Or a narcoleptic homicidal kleptomaniac (Or she could be a Republican...GASP!! SHUDDER!!). Diet Coke is cheap, legal, and- so far as we know- safe. If this is as bad as it gets, I'm a pretty lucky guy, no?
I have no idea when this Lent thing is supposed to end- I'm assuming on Easter Sunday. I must have slept through that part of Sunday School, but it will be interesting to see how Susan reacts when the chains come off. Will I come home to find a Diet Coke truck parked in the driveway? Or will I get a call from our local Taco Bell, where I'll find her laying under the Diet Coke tap, guzzling the Holy Nectar as it emerges from it's Hallowed Source in it's purest form? I shudder to think of the possibilities....
