April 7, 2004 5:39 AM

This story has been satirized for your protection

Bush Addresses 8.2 Million Unemployed: "Get a Job"

Get a haircut. Clean yourself up a little and put on a nice shirt, or even a suit. Maybe employers would take you more seriously if you didn't look like you just rolled out of bed. The way you look now, I wouldn't hire you to throw me a rope if I was falling off a cliff.

- Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao

Well, I suppose this puts the final nail in the "Compassionate Conservative" concept, eh??

"The economy has been on the rebound for months, but 5.6 percent of you are still out of work," Bush said. "Come on, people: Get a job! Don't just sit there hoping that you'll win the lottery. Turn off that boob tube, get off that couch, and start pounding the pavement."

When the number of people taking part-time jobs because they can't get full-time work is factored in, the unemployment figure approaches 15.1 million, a number Bush called "unacceptable."

"My fellow Americans, don't come crying to me," Bush said. "I've got a job. I go to work every day, whether I feel like it or not. I don't take handouts, and I don't give them. That's a belief my daddy taught me. Now, let's get this show on the road!"

The sad thing about this is that it sounds eerily familiar. Isn't this the Bush economic policy??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on April 7, 2004 5:39 AM.

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